Giovanni's New Neighbor
by Axletia Rosonetis
Summary: It's an average day in Viridian City. Giovanni is doing his...taxes ? Suddenly, a squishy yellow sponge moves in next door, and his life is turned upside down. How will he deal with it ? He does not know.
1. Hi ?

Chapter 1 : Hi ?

It was an average day in Viridian City. There was a lot of hustle and bustle going on, as usual. Cars ran over stop signs, and little children tackled the ice cream truck for ice cream and frozen yogurt. People argued with other people in the streets. The usual day.

In a secluded house in the prosperous streets of Orangrific Lane, the evil douchebag leader of Team Rocket ,otherwise known as Giovanni , was doing his...taxes ?

" Let's see... damn it ! I hate doing this ! " the madman said as he shuffled through a big sack of papers. " Name. Giovanni. Date of birth : uhhh... August 1st, 1957. Race - uhhh, I forgot. I'll leave that one blank. Sex. What the ---- ? "

A Persian meowed at him. Giovanni blankly stared at the feline . " Ohhh... male. Next question. How much income am I paying ? Like I'll tell. "

Giovanni put away the evil taxes in his closet. A phone rang,and he answered it. " Hello ? "

" Hi Dad ! Are you working on one of those ' world domination ' plans, or are you working with some kind of mutant robot monkey that has rabies ? "

" How do you keep getting my number, Ash ? "

" Mom leaves it on the fridge. "

" And how does she keep getting my number ? This is the fourth time I have changed my number this month ! "

" I don't know, actually. I think she hacks the government or something every week to see if they have any alien abduction scandals on the web."

" Okay..."

" Anyway, what are you doing today ? "

" Uh, I did my taxes, and now I'm about to do something else."

" Cool ! Today I ate five trays of Mom's brownies,and I puked all over the floor ! "

" Redford Ash Ketchum, how could you do this to her ? "

" So you do care about Mom still ! I knew it ! "

" I do not ! It's just that... "

" You like Mom ! You like Mom ! "

" Shut up ! You listen here, boy ! "

" Uh - huh."

" I want you to quit calling me. Now, I am going to hang up now, and I do not want to hear from you for a long time, do you understand ? "

" I think so. "

" Good. Goodbye, Ash. "

Giovanni hung up the phone and sighed. Ash had been calling him once every week, and it was pissing him off, because every time that he did call, he would tease him somehow about him liking his mother. Actually, Giovanni _did _still have some feelings about his ex - wife Delia, but he was not about to tell Ash that, because if he did, his son would make his life a living hell.

Anyway, Giovanni slumped in a chair and started reading some boring book when he spotted a

U - Haul parking near the curb. Two men started to unload the truck, and started to carry an assortment of furniture to the house next door.

" Great. Looks like we have new neighbors, " muttered Giovanni.

The man started to fall asleep when the doorbell rang. Giovanni eyed the door, and placed his book over his head. Persian whined at the man, and he glared at him. " I am _not _going to have any visitors today. "

The doorbell continued to ring. Giovanni started to twitch. The door started to be pounded on, and Giovanni threw his book at the mahogany colored door. The door did not cease to ring, and it continued to ring for the next twenty minutes.

Finally, Giovanni opened the door. Two images were smiling. The first one was a pink star shaped thing wearing green shorts with purple flowers on them. The other image was a yellow square shape with blue eyes, a box shaped shirt and pants, and a red tie. He was holding a snail. Both of the images looked retarded. Giovanni's eye twitched. " What and who the hell are you ? " he demanded.

The yellow square shaped thing giggled. " Hi ! We're your new neighbors ! I'm Spongebob Squarepants ! "

" And I'm Patrick Star ! " the pink thing added.

Persian smelled the two creatures and whined at Giovanni. He smelled the things again. " You're right, Persian. They _do _smell like fish creatures. "

" You'll have a bunch of cool things to do with us, Mister ! " the sponge continued. " We can blow bubbles, play Harry Potter, have a sleepover and eat Krabby Patties until we puke ! Or, we can go jellyfishing ! "

" What the hell are you two babbling about ? " Giovanni demanded.

" We like fun ! F is for flowers, with rainbow powers ! U is for ukulele ! Take the rest , Mister ! " said Spongebob, pointing at Giovanni.

" Okay. N is for nosy little weirdoes ! Now get the hell away from me ! " Giovanni shouted, slamming the door.

" Spongebob, he reminds me of someone ! " Patrick replied.

" You're right, Patrick ! He reminds me of Squidward ! " Spongebob squealed in delight. " We are going to have _sooooo _much fun ! "

Giovanni sighed and banged his head against the wall. " Great. I come home, and two idiotic losers move in next to me . "

Suddenly, a yellow thing pops up right next to him . " Hi , neighbor ! " It was Spongebob.

Giovanni almost screamed. " How the hell did you get in here ? "

" We always get in Squidward's house. He doesn't like it, either. You should meet Squidward. He plays clarinet, and likes fine art ! "

" Yeah, and you should meet the door. "

" Huh ? " The sponge looked confused.

" _GET OUT ! _" Giovanni yelled, picking up Spongebob and throwing him out the door.

" Okay, friend ! I'll see you later ! " the little sponge cried, skipping to his house next door.

Giovanni continued to bang his head on the wall. It was going to be one hell of a day...

The next day Giovanni was driving to work. Nothing weird there. But what was weird was that there was a giggling sound in the backseat.

Giovanni turned around and saw that the squishy yellow sponge was sitting in the backseat. " Hi, neighbor ! " Spongebob greeted the dumbstruck man.

Giovanni glared at the thing. " How the hell did you get in my car ? "

" I dunno. I wanna play ! "

Suddenly, the man had an idea forming. He smirked at the sponge. " Okay. I'll take you to someone that likes to play... "

The douchebag turned around and drove in the opposite direction. Pretty soon, he was in Pallet Town , and he silently parked on the street across from the house where Ash lived.

He pushed Spongebob out. " Okay. There's this boy with black hair. I'm sure you two will make best friends ! " he sneered.

" You really think so, Mister ? " the sponge asked.

" Of _course _! I wouldn't lie to you. "

" Whee ! Are you going to stay ? "

" Uh, no. I have to go somewhere. But I'll see you soon , _neighbor_ . "

" Okay ! "

Giovanni got back in the car and drove to work rather fast. " That takes care of that yellow spongy menace, " he muttered.

Persian silently rolled his eyes at him.

The sponge slowly walked up to the house where Ash Ketchum lived...

End

_Next chapter preview : _

_" Uh, you're a sponge ? " Ash asked._

_" Yeah ! Can we play something ? " Spongebob replied._

_" Sure ! " _

_Ash and Spongebob started to run around the outside of the house. Suddenly, an ice cream man shows up._

_" Yayyyyyy ! Fudgieeeeessssss !!!! " Ash and Spongebob exclaimed, running towards the ice cream truck._

_" Sorry, kids. I only have one fudgie , " the ice cream man said._

_" Cool ! I'll have the fudgie , then ! " Ash replied._

_Suddenly, Spongebob's eyes turned bright silver. " I will get the fudgie, you jack - ass ! " the sponge shouted._

_" No, you won't ! " _


	2. Ash Ketchum Meets Spongebob Squarepants

Chapter 2 : Ash Ketchum Meets Spongebob Squarepants

* * *

Kind of retarded.

* * *

A lot of people have only seen the ocean. Half of that crowd has seen dolphins or a shark attack in the ocean. But only a handful of people get up in the morning to see a squishy yellow sponge at their front door. And unfortunately, Delia Ketchum was one of those handful of people.

It was around eight in the morning. Delia was sleeping soundly when a doorbell rang consistantly. After a while, she got breakfast started and opened the door. A yellow square sponge with buckteeth waved his ugly, bony hand . "Hi ! I'm Spongebob Squarepants ! Who are you ? " Spongebob asked, jumping up and down.

" I'm Delia Ketchum. But are you a sponge ? "

" Yeah ! My neighbor dropped me off and said I could play with this black haired kid ! Is he here ? Huh ? Huh ? Huh ? "

" How old are you again ? "

"Oh, I'm thirty - five ! "

Delia started to crack up in laughter. Spongebob looked baffled, and she choked up. " ASH ! Some crazy thing wants to play with you ! " she shouted, still laughing at Spongebob's age.

" Okay, Mom ! I'm coming ! "

Ash suddenly jumped down from the stairs. His black hair was surprisingly combed, and he was all cleaned up, for once. He looked at the squishy sponge. " Is this the person ? "

" Well, if you want to call him that. You two have fun, " Delia said, still giggling.

Ash continued to look at Spongebob, still confused. " Uh, you're a sponge ? " Ash asked.

" Yeah ! Can we play something ? " Spongebob replied.

" Sure ! "

Ash and Spongebob started to run around the outside of the house. Suddenly, an ice cream man shows up.

" Yayyyyyy ! Fudgieeeeessssss !!!! " Ash and Spongebob exclaimed, running towards the ice cream truck.

" Sorry, kids. I only have one fudgie , " the ice cream man said.

" Cool ! I'll have the fudgie , then ! " Ash replied.

Suddenly, Spongebob's eyes turned bright silver. " I will get the fudgie, you jack - ass ! " the sponge shouted.

" No, you won't ! "

Suddenly, Spongebob tackled Ash and started to punch him. " ME HAVE FUDGIE ! _ME HAVE FUDGIEEEEEEEEEE !!!_

Ash took off his hat. " Oh, do you want to fight for the fudgie ? Bring it on ! "

Unfortunately, Ash should not have said that, for the next thing you know he started bleeding and received a black eye. Ash tried to hurt Spongebob, but since he was a sponge, he could not hurt him with his fists, or his knife. And Pikachu was not with him at the time.

A few minutes later, Spongebob was eating a fudgie on the steps of the front door. Ash was in the dumpster. Delia came out and looked at the squishy sponge. " Where did you get that ? " she asked.

" The ice - cream man ! " Spongebob replied.

" Uh - huh. And where is my son at ? "

" Him ? He's in the dumpster. "

_"WHAT ?! " _Delia ran over to the nearby dumpster and saw Ash laying in it. " Hi Mom ! "

" Ash, what did he do to you ? " Delia demanded.

" We were fighting over the fudgie, and he beat me. "

Delia helped her son out of the dumpster and layed him on the soft, mossy grass. Then, she turned to Spongebob, glaring at him. She picked the sponge by the neck. " That is it. You're going ! "

Spongebob bit her hand and tried to run, but Delia whacked him with her purse. She dragged him to her car. " Ash, I'll be right back. I have to bring Spongebob back to his neighbor ! " she shouted, driving to Viridian City...

Meanwhile, Giovanni was driving back to his house. He had got his paperwork done early. He was listening to the Battle of the Valkyries, and humming to the music, but his mood quickly vanished when he saw a certain yellow sponge on his front doorstep. The sponge started to wave crazily. " HIIIIII, NEIGHBOR! " the sponge greeted the baffled man.

" How did you get back here ? " the man inquired.

" Oh ! That nice lady gave me a ride ! That black haired kid was fun ,but I sorta gave him a big ouchie ! "

Giovanni glared at the sponge, and saw that a note was taped to his shirt. He yanked the note off of the strange squishy thing and started to read it.

_Giovanni, _

_Don't bring that sponge back to my house. EVER ! He beat the crap out of Ash and bit me ! I swear to Bob, if you bring that thirty - five year old thing to my house ever again, I will call the cops for assaulting ! _

_Sincerely,_

_Delia Ketchum _

Giovanni silently glared at Spongebob. " What the hell did you do ? "

The sponge smiled at him. " I gotta go now ! " And with that sentence, he quickly vanished to go over to his own house.

Giovanni went inside of his own house and quickly grabbed a phone. He started to dial a number. " Delia is going to be so pissed at me, " he murmured.

The phone rang and after a while someone picked up the other side of the phone. " Hello ? Is this one of those telemarketers ? If it is, Mom said that she's going to get you for harassment ! " the voice said.

" Ash ? Is that you ? "

" Hi Dad ! I knew you were going to call ! You had to ask Mom for a date sooner or later ! "

" Don't start this again ! I was wondering what that sponge did to you . "

" Oh ! We had fun until he said _he _wanted the fudgie ! I tried to defend myself, but he cut me up and threw me in the dumpster ! Then, Mom dragged him to her car. He tried to bite her, but she bagged him with her purse."

" Damn it. Is your mother home now ? "

" Well yeah, but I don't think she's in a very good mood right now. She seemed pretty mad when she found out who placed that thing on our doorstep in the first place.

Giovanni winced. " Can I talk to her, anyway ? "

" ALL RIGHT ! YOU TWO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP !"

" Hey , I am _not_ in a freaking relationship with her ! Now, can I talk to her, or do I have to hang up on you ? "

" Fine. I'll get her. _MOOOOMMM !! DAD'S ON THE PHONE ! " _

There was a silence for a few minutes, and then an angry voice said, " What do you want, Gio ? Some of us don't spend all day thinking about ways to rule the world - they have actual lives ! "

" Yeah. Uh, I'm kind of sorry that the thing hurt our son."

" _Kind of ? _You have a lot of nerve telling me that you're _kind of sorry, _especially when you're the one who brought that thing to my house in the first place ! "

" Okay, okay. I'm sorry, Delia. "

" Do you really mean it ? I'm not dealing with your fake apologies ! The last time I accepted one of those apologies, you almost blew Lavender Town off the map ! "

" No, I really mean it. "

For a while they both became silent. Then, " Listen. I have a question for you. Could you take Ash out for tomorrow ? He's driving me a bit nuts. "

" Delia, you know I'm a very busy man. I have a schedule. Maybe I can book him up in about... six to eight weeks. "

" _Redford Giovanni Ketchum ! _He's your kid too, you know ! "

" Ugh. Why do you remind me all the time ? "

" Oh, you know you love him too in that thing you call your heart ! Stop acting like a macho businessman, and start acting like the father you were to him eleven years ago ! "

" Okay, you got me. I'll pick him up around nine. Is that okay ? "

_Click. _

Giovanni hung up the phone and gave a faint smile. Maybe being with a fourteen year old boy that was his son wouldn't be that bad after all...or maybe it'll be a horrible experience.

End

* * *

_Next chapter preview : _

_" So...where are we going again , Dad ? " Ash asked, looking out of the window._

_" This is the third time I told you Ash ! We're going to the museum ! " _

_" But that's soooo boring ! Can't we tear up mailboxes with baseball bats instead ? " _

_" Hey, I promised your mother that I would take you somewhere, and if she found out I let you do that, she'll bite my head off ! " _

_" You're no fun, Dad ! " _

_" I'm a forty - four year old man that lives by himself and shouts at people all day ? What do you expect ? " _

_The two stood silent for a few moments, since they had finally got to the Pewter City Museum. They parked near the front, and started to walk towards the entrance, where two creatures stopped them. " Hi ! " _

_" Freezing priest ! " Giovanni muttered.

* * *

_


	3. The Trip to the Museum

Chapter 3 : The Trip to the Museum

* * *

The next day, Giovanni was honking in front of the small house where his son lived. He had been honking impatiently for about a half hour when he heard screaming from inside the house.

" Ash, stop clinging to the stairs ! "

" Never ! I don't _wanna_ go with Dad ! He's a freaking douchebag ! "

" You are _going _, Ash ! We already discussed this ! "

" Why do I have to go so early ? "

" Hey, you're the one that peed in the mixing bowl ! You are _going,_ Ash ! "

" _NOOOOOOOO_ !!! DON'T MAKE ME _GOOOOOO_ !! "

" REDFORD ASH KETCHUM, GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE NOW BEFORE I GET MY PURSE AND START BAGGING YOU ! "

" NEVER ! "

" _Ash, _you have five seconds to get down here _now." _

Suddenly, there was a thumping noise, and Ash quickly ran past the door in his underwear and attempted to climb a tree. Delia followed him, carrying a broom. She swatted the tree with it. " ASH KETCHUM , GET DOWN HERE NOW !! "

" NO ! "

" That's it ! You had your chance ! Go, Flareon ! "

A Flareon popped out of a pokeball. Ash gawked at it. " Mom...since when did you get a Flareon... or pokeballs ? "

" Never mind ! Flareon - use ember ! "

The Flareon used ember on the weird black haired boy, and a thump was heard in the bushes. While Giovanni was silently cursing to himself...

* * *

After a grueling chase halfway across Pallet Town, somehow Delia _finally _succeeded in getting Ash in the car with Giovanni. Rather _forcing _him to...(A/N : Okay, bagging him with her purse and _then _forcing him in the car.) So, anyway, Ash was in the front seat of the car, and as usual, not acting like an actual fourteen year old kid. He was driving his dad _nuts._

" So, do you know anybody that can kill, Dad ? "

" Not yet, " Giovanni replied rather crisply to his son.

" Are you sure ? You seem like the type of guy that knows Donkey Kong ! "

" Who the _hell _is Donkey Kong, Ash ? "

" He's that gorilla thingie from Mario. Duh."

" Like I play games for four hours straight every day on that damn Nintendo DS ! "

" Are we there yet ? "

" No. "

" Now ? "

" _No... " _

" Are we there _noooww ? _"

" _Ash ? " _

" Yeah , Dad ? "

" Shut the ---- up, or I'm driving into a freaking lake and kill you. "

" O.o Geez , Dad. Mom makes those kind of threats all the time, and so does my girfriend, Brock, Professor Oak, Dawn, Paul, and a bunch of other friends. "

" Gee, I wonder why... "

" That isn't funny ! I'm sure Mom curses you out all the time, too ! " Ash retorted.

" _Ash... STIFLE IT ! " _

" Okay, okay. You don't have to get all Archie Bunker on me ! "

The car silently drove past Viridian for awhile. Ash continued to be a silent pest, flaking dandruff out of the red car into the street. And Giovanni slowly became more and more ticked off at the second.

" Ash, what are you doing now ? "

" I dunno. "

" Well, stop it. You are driving me insane ! "

" Cool ! Maybe we can see you go bald ! Then you'll have to wear one of those crappy wigs, and you won't score with Mom ! "

" Stop bringing your mother into this and shut up ! "

A few _more _minutes passed up...

" So...where are we going again , Dad ? " Ash asked, looking out of the window.

" This is the third time I told you Ash ! We're going to the museum ! "

" But that's _soooo_ boring ! Can't we tear up mailboxes with baseball bats instead ? "

" Hey, I promised your mother that I would take you somewhere, and if she found out I let you do that, she'll bite my head off ! "

" You're no fun, Dad ! "

" I'm a forty - four year old man that lives by himself and shouts at people all day ! What do you expect ? "

The two stood silent for a few moments, since they had finally got to the Pewter City Museum. They parked near the front, and started to walk towards the entrance, where two creatures stopped them. " Hi! "

" Freezing priest ! " Giovanni muttered.

" It's those guys who took my fudgies yesterday ! " Ash exclaimed.

" HIIIII , NEIGHBOR ! " Patrick cried, practically pushing the boy down on the sidewalk.

" How did you two idiots get here ? " Giovanni inquired.

" Ohh, that ! We got into your car trunk and sang the FUN song all the way through ! " Spongebob replied, picking his nose.

" So you stalked us ? "

" Noooo... we followed you here ! "

" Freezing priest... fine, I can't stop you two. Do whatever you want ! " Giovanni growled, pushing Ash inside the museum.

The two creatures meekly followed them. Spongebob nudged Ash on the shoulder. " Hey, buddy ? "

" What ? "

" That guy is weird. "

Ash rolled his eyes and smirked at the sponge. " I know. And he thinks _we're _weird. He listens to the Beach Boys ! "

" Whoa. Do you want to pick my nose ? "

" Sure ! "

As Ash tried to pick the idiot sponge's nose, Patrick picked Ash's nose. " Hee hee. This is fun ! "

Giovanni did not once look back at the three goofballs. (Good thing he didn't either, or he might have seen Patrick "accidentally" peeing on Ash...)

* * *

" Here we are. A Moon Stone. Gaze at it and don't say anything , " Giovanni quietly said.

" Touchieee... " Ash said, reaching out to poke the stone.

_SLAP !_

" Ow ! What was that for, Dad ? " Ash demanded, rubbing his left hand that just got slapped.

Giovanni glared at Ash. " No touching, " he replied.

" But _whyyyy ? _"

" No freaking touching, Ash ! If you break anything I will have to pay for it ! "

" Can't you risk that chance, Dad ? "

" _No._ "

" Fine ! " Ash said, pouting while looking at the black colored stone.

After a while Giovanni went to use the bathroom, and the three idiots were by themselves. Ash was going to a vending machine, Spongebob and Patrick following him.

" Here we go. An Oreo bar. My favorite ! " Ash happily announced, ready to take a bite out of the cookie.

Suddenly Patrick swiped the cookie from Ash and shoved it in his mouth. " Thanks, buddy ! "

" Patrick , that was mine ! "

" ---- you, Ash ! Me wanted cookie - me got cookie ! " Patrick replied.

Ash slapped Patrick in the face. Patrick turned red and punched Ash in the nose and shoved him against the wall. Ash started to cry, and Spongebob grabbed the Moon Stone. He smashed it in half on Ash's head. " Dummy ! " Spongebob exclaimed.

In a flash, four Officer Jennies came by the scene and started to hit Spongebob, but failed and taped a bill on Spongebob's head.

After that, Ash tried to get up and Spongebob tackled the boy and started to do "naughty " things to him. Ash started to whimper as Patrick picked his nose. It was indeed a horrible sight. You do not live in the present until you see a fourteen year old boy getting violated by a sponge and getting his nose picked by a starfish.

Luckily for Ash, Giovanni came out of the bathroom and started walking towards the idiots with a hot temper. _" WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY SON ?! " _he roared, picking Ash up by the collar.

" Nothing. In fact , we were just playing ! " Ash quickly replied.

" I wasn't asking you ! I'm talking to that damn sponge and his weirdo friend ! "

" WE WERE HAVING FUN !! FUN ! FUN ! FUN ! " Spongebob and Patrick cried, skipping out of the museum and handing the madman a bill of six thousand dollars for the broken Moon Stone.

Giovanni glared at the bill and softly stared at Ash. " Come on. Get up and let's go, " he said, heading back towards the entrance.

" But it's only been two hours though, Dad ! "

" I don't care. I'll find some other way to entertain ourselves. "

" ... "

" And if you mention your mother one more time, I'm going to dump you in a pit, I swear to Bob. "

Ash nodded quietly and they went back in the car.

End

* * *

_Next chapter preview : _

_" So... are we going out to eat first, Dad ? " _

_" Yes , Ash. Just be lucky I'm hungry too. " _

_" Do you think we'll see Spongebob again ? " _

_" I hope not. That guy is really pissing me off. " _

_" But don't I get you ticked off all the time ? " _

_" Yes, but that's different. You're my son. " _

_" ... " _

_" It's a long story." _

_" Does it have anything to do with you thumping in the bedroom with Mom ? " _

_" Red... " _

_" Oh. Sorry. " _

_" Just be quiet. " _


	4. A Day with the DBag

Chapter 4 : A Day with the Douchebag

_Yay ! I updated. I do not own pokemon.

* * *

_

Once again Ash was driving in the red car alongside his douchebag dad, Giovanni. It was around twelve, and they were heading back to Viridian to eat. As usual, Ash was somehow ticking his dad off, singing to the weird song " A Thousand Miles" . And he sucked at singing at it. Giovanni silently cursed to himself that if Ash ever went on American Idol he would kill himself.

After _that _was done, Ash decided that he wanted to be a pest again. " Hey, Dad ? "

" _What_ is it, Ash ? "

" I need to ask you something ! "

" Well, spit it out or don't say anything at all ! "

" Okay... do you wear thongs or briefs ? "

" What the ----, Ash ?! You know very damn well no sane person is going to ask a question like _that _! It's idiotic ! "

The two remained silent for a few more minutes. Then Ash started to play with his fingers.

" So... are we going out to eat first, Dad ? "

" Yes , Ash. Just be lucky I'm hungry too. "

" Do you think we'll see Spongebob again ? "

" I hope not. That guy is really pissing me off. "

" But don't I get you ticked off all the time ? "

" Yes, but that's different. You're my son. "

" ... "

" It's a long story."

" Does it have anything to do with you thumping in the bedroom with Mom ? "

" _Red_... "

" Oh. Sorry. "

" Just be quiet. "

" I don't _wanna _! I want to talk ! "

" If you want to talk, I'll be glad to drop you off right here and let you hitchhike your own ride ! "

" Why do you have to be so _mean _, Dad ? " Ash was starting to whine now.

" Why do _you _have to be such a damn pest ? Can't you be quiet for ten minutes at least ? "

Ash shut his mouth up then. He continued to play with his fingers. He looked out the window and gazed at the dozens of pokemon he could be playing with right now. Pikachu was somewhere in Pallet, hanging out with the Rattata and getting drunk on ketchup margaritas. His mom was probably watching _The Jeffersons _on TV Land right about now.

He continued to keep silent until Giovanni tossed some sort of book on Ash's lap. Ash looked at the title. _50 Ways to Make A Pokemon Fudgie Sculpture _. He looked at it oddly and stared stupidly at Giovanni, who was still keeping his eyes on the road. " Dad...what's this ? " he asked, paging through the book.

" A book. "

" Okay... but why did you drop it on my lap ? "

" To _read _. To write in. You can use it as a dartboard for all I care. "

" Okay... Thanks ? "

" You 're welcome. Now shut up. "

The car ride seemed to go forever, until it finally skidded into a parking space at Kingler 's Courtyard , which was a fish place. Ash quickly got out of the car happily. Giovanni rolled his eyes as he shut the door and put the alarm on his car. He looked at Ash, who was already making a beeline for the restaurant. " Hey, Ash ? You aren't allergic to seafood, are you ? "

" Uh - uh ! " the annoying little boy replied.

" Okay then... "

* * *

" So , what are you two going to order ? " a waitress asked.

" Uh, I'll have the clam meal with water. And I don't know what he wants. He's unpredictable, " Giovanni replied, glaring at Ash.

" So... what do you want ? "

" Miss Ida, I was wondering something ? "

" Yeah ? "

" Are your fish actually fish ? Or are they actually water pokemon from the fourth dimension ? "

" No, sonny. Actual fish."

" In that case... I'll have the shrimp meal with extra tartar sauce, and three giant sized Pepsies. "

" Three ? Ash, you're going to get diarrhea if you drink that much pop. "

" It's okay, Dad. I have extra bladder control. "

" Then why does your mother constantly remind you to change your underwear ? "

" I dunno. "

" Okay... " The waitress called Ida left the two people to sit at a table.

Ash continued to look at his fingers. " Hey Dad ? Do you know what a four finger discount is ? "

" Four finger discount ? "

" Yeah. I heard it on _The Simpsons _last night. "

" I have no idea. "

Soon the waitress returned and just as Giovanni was about to dig in a forkful of clams, something tackled him. A yellow squishy square thing started to throw the fish food in the window. The douchebag started to growl. " Why do you make my life miserable ? " he inquired.

" Hi , neighbor ! " Spongebob replied.

" Why the hell did you tackle me, you little piece of dirt ? I _have _my son you can tackle, you know. "

" Sorry, buddy. But I'm part fish. "

" And _I _don't give a damn what you are ! Why won't you die ? "

The weirdo sponge started to laugh crazily as he left the restaurant. Ash's expression was : O.o . And Giovanni silently cursed to himself that next time he would bring a flask with him.

* * *

" So... why did we get kicked out of the restaurant again, Dad ? "

" This is the fourth time I'm telling you, Ash ! That sponge thingie that calls himself my neighbor tackled me and held the waitress hostage. "

" Now where are we going ? The liquor store ? "

" No. "

" Work ? "

" _No... _"

" Oh, I know ! You're going to go to the Game Corner and lose all your money trying to win the love of some pretty broad ! "

" _**Ash ! **_"

" Oh. Sorry... but where _are _we going ? "

" My house. "

" Great. We're going to a shack. "

" It is _not _a shack ! "

" So... why does that sponge thingie live next door to you ? "

" I have _no_ idea. "

As the two people were driving to the douchebag's house, Ash fell asleep. Giovanni looked at his idiotic son as he pulled out his cellphone. He dialed a number...

* * *

" Hello , Ketchum residence, " Delia said as she was cooking poffin. (A/N : How the hell did _that _happen ? )

" I'm Jimmy O' Cool . Have you seen my apricot mommy ? "

_Click. _

Delia continued to cook poffin when the phone rang again. She picked it up. " Hello ? "

" _**YOU ARE OUR 100TH CALLER ! PLEASE GIVE US YOUR CREDIT CARD NUMBER ! " **_

" Yeah. I am _not _interested, you damn telemarketers ! " Delia replied, hanging up the phone.

She sighed as she went outside to water her flower bed. When she came back in, the phone rang again. Delia almost threw the phone against the wall, but decided to answer it instead. " This better not be a prank call, you dumb - ass ! I'm tired of you and your idiot brother calling me every day ! Now leave me alone ! "

_Click - click.

* * *

_

" Damn it. I have no idea what she just said. Oh, well. Better try again before the kid wakes up and starts to torment me again , " Giovanni muttered, redialing the phone number.

* * *

_Ring ring ring, ring ring - phone call, phone call ! Ring ring ring, ring ring - phone call, phone call ! Ring ring ring, ring ring - phone call, phone call ! _

" Son of a - why do people keep calling me ? "

Delia picked up the phone for the sixth time. By now, she had got done making poffin (burnt poffin), and now all she wanted to do was to take a nap. But obviously, somebody was calling _again _.

" Who the hell is this ? " Delia inquired.

" Whoa. You seem to have a temper tantrum this afternoon. Did you get cramps today ? "

" None of your business, Red ! I don't want to deal with your crap today ! "

" Uh - huh. "

" So... what are you and Ash doing ? "

" Uh... he's sleeping, and I'm driving to my house because these two idiots keep bothering us...so ... yeah. "

" Okay, then... you haven't drugged him, have you ? "

" _No ! _"

" Right... are you sure Ash is sleeping , because the last time you told me that Ash lost a lot of blood from a concussion. "

Giovanni poked his son with a pencil. The boy stirred and started to talk in his sleep. " Yes. He's still alive. "

" Okay, then...I'm hanging up now. But - I'm warning you. If you get him involved with _any _of your world domination plans, I will kick your ass from Pallet to Petalburg, is that clear ? "

" Fine. Wouldn't want the little pest to interfere with my plans, anyway. "

" _What was that ? _"

" Uh... nothing. "

" Bye. "

* * *

" Okay, I screwed up again. Damn , " Giovanni said as he drove rather slowly to his house.

Ash only snored in response.

" Uh - huh. Is that your final answer ? "

" (snore snore) "

" Yeah, you _do _need to stop staying up until three in the morning drinking Pepsi. "

" (snore snore) FUDGIES ! "

" You know, I think we get a little bit better along when you're sleeping. "

" Thank you, Abraham Lincoln ! I _do _accept the silver coins made of chocolate ! "

Giovanni gave a small chuckle. " Why can't you act like this when you're actually awake ? "

" (snore) Caffeine. "

End

* * *

_Next chapter preview : _

_" Ash, I know I like you better when you're sleeping, but you have to wake up ! " _

_" (snore) I can take you on, George Washington ! "_

_" Wake up ! " _

_" Is that a challenge ? I'm not going to let some weirdo with a wig beat me ! " _

_" We're already here , now wake up ! " _

_" Charizard, help me out here ! I have to get back to the twenty - first century for some reason ! "_

_Giovanni strapped Ash out of the car and poked him with a pen. " WAKE UP ! " _

_" Oh, yeah ? I can take you down , too, Thomas Jefferson ! ---- the Bill of Rights ! " _

_SLAP !_

_" He made the Declaration of Independence , Ash. Now wake up ! " _

_" Dad ? Since when do you have long hair ? Oh... I know ! You're a rock star ! " _

_Giovanni rolled his eyes. " That's it. He can stay this way for all I care. " _


	5. Ash in the Twilight Zone : Part One

Chapter 5 : Ash in the Twilight Zone - Part 1

* * *

_A/N : Okay, so originally I didn't do two parts. But then, I decided to, because I don't know why. Ash will be very crazy in this chapter.BE WARNED !

* * *

_

It had been about ten minutes. Giovanni was trying to wake Ash up.

" Ash, I know I like you better when you're sleeping, but you have to wake up ! "

" (snore) I can take you on, George Washington ! "

_" Wake up ! " _

" Is that a challenge ? I'm not going to let some weirdo with a wig beat me ! "

" We're already here , now wake up ! "

" Charizard, help me out here ! I have to get back to the twenty - first century for some reason ! "

Giovanni strapped Ash out of the car and poked him with a pen. _" WAKE UP ! " _

" Oh, yeah ? I can take you down , too, Thomas Jefferson ! ---- the Bill of Rights ! "

SLAP !

" He made the Declaration of Independence , Ash. Now wake up ! "

" Dad ? Since when do you have long hair ? Oh... I know ! You're a rock star ! "

Giovanni rolled his eyes. " That's it. He can stay this way for all I care. "

The douchebag left Ash to rot in his world.

* * *

" HEY ! Stop attacking me, you evil monkeys ! "

Ash suddenly woke up. He looked around, and felt a wet sensation. " Ah, crap ! I peed on my pants ! And, where am I ? "

Ash continued to look around. " Whoa. I have no idea. I think I'm in the twilight zone or something. And Dad ditched me. Typical... dude ! Why are purple thingies crawling on me ? I should call Mom ! "

Ash dialed a number. The phone rang for a while, and then somebody answered it. " Ash ? "

" Hi, Mom ! I think I'm dead ! Those purple sponges are attacking me ! And Dad ditched me to go to war with Bill Gates and be a rock star ! "

" O.o Ash... have you been smoking pot ? "

" No. "

" Caffeine ? "

" Yeah ! I had three Pepsies ! "

" Okay, honey. Let me tell you something. You are hallucinating. And I have no idea where you're at. But, you should look around, okay ? "

" Okay, Mom. Bye. "

Ash hung up the phone and hugged a nearby tree. " If I am hallucinating, I'm going to have the best experience ever ! "

He started to walk on the grass and pretty soon he discovered one of the things that he loved the most - a mud puddle. A beautiful brown puddle that had no bugs in it - the kind of puddle that most boys dreamed of in Kanto - including Ash.

" YAY ! PUDDLE FUDGIE ! " Ash exclaimed as he took off his clothes and dived in the puddle.

It was a disgusting sight. You haven't had any nightmares until a fourteen year old is in a mud puddle naked. Nobody noticed him though, except for a Persian, who glared at him. " What the hell are you doing ? " Persian spoke in his own language.

" Diving in mud fudgie ! " Ash happily exclaimed.

" Whoa... you're ----ing crazy. "

" I know. Will you be my buddy ? "

" Uh, no. You're a retarded little boy that smells like dirt and seems like the kind of guy that smokes pot twice a week ! "

" Is that a challenge, Persian ? " Ash demanded.

" I guess so. Bring it on ! "

Ash got out of the puddle and tackled Persian. The feline moaned in disgust. " You little bastard. I hope you can keep up with me, or you're a dead little boy ! "

" Hmph ! "

The Persian started to run with Ash clinging to his tail. Ash was still naked, and Persian was heading for a rosh bush with extra thorns.

After the boy shrieked in pain, Persian jumped over a fence. Ash threw up, but he didn't let go. Instead, he started to punch Persian in the face. The feline hissed and clawed at his legs, making them bleed. Ash gasped in pain as he and the pokemon jumped inside a bush. Persian bit Ash's hand, and Ash continued to get injured as he got a black eye throwing his face on the cement ground.

And then, after that Persian and Ash jumped in another mud puddle. They both panted for breath.

" Kid, you have to be the weirdest and most fun person I've met in a while, " Persian said.

" Thanks. Does that mean I win ? "

" No. It's a draw. "

Ash gave a grin. And as he did, a whole bunch of people looked at him in horror. He was still not dressed, but he knew that , because he glared at the group. " What ? Haven't you ever seen Bigfoot before ? I am awesome ! And I am Lord Buttercup, master of pokemon and son of a douchebag ! I am five foot four, and I am proud to be naked ! " Ash declared.

A woman looked at him. " Dude, you have some issues ! "

" I know I do ! I have no idea where I am at ! So, bow down to me, insolent people ! _' I'm a MySpace man ! In a Barbie can ! I ----ed Barbie ! We went partying ! ... " _

When he got done singing the song, eight pissed off people glared at him. He laughed. " I AM AWESOME ! BOW DOWN TO LORD BUTTER - "

Somebody threw a stone at him. " SHUT THE ---- UP ! "

Ash threw the stone back. " _You _shut the ---- up ! I need some coffee ! "

" No, you need a bath ! " the other person shouted.

" I DO NOT ! YOU SUCK ! "

" Don't tell me I suck, you little brat ! "

Ash hit the guy with a stick. " Bring it on ! "

* * *

" Hmm. I wonder what Ash is doing. I just hope he's behaving, " Giovanni murmured as he took a sip of coffee.

* * *

" Mr. Ketchum, you have five seconds to get down there before we use police brutality on you ! "

" ---- you, Jenny ! I AM LORD BUTTERCUP ! " Ash exclaimed.

" You put a guy in critical condition ! You need to come down from the tree now ! " Officer Jenny commanded.

" NEVER ! "

" Fine, we'll call your mom , then ! "

Ash jumped from one tree to another and threw a stone at Officer Jenny. " I am the greatest ! I AM AWESOME ! "

" You're _naked _! "

" So what ? I live my life ! Now go to hell ! "

Ash was in a tree near his dad's house. After beating the guy to a pulp, he was chased by a mob. He was still covered in mud, and he wasn't hallucinating anymore, but he was still half crazy.

" I AM LORD BUTTERCUP ! NEEEEEEEEEE !!! "

Officer Jenny twitched. " You are crazy ! What the hell is wrong with you ? "

" COFFEEEEEEEEE !! "

" You don't need coffee ! "

" YES I DO ! "

Officer Jenny banged her head on the wall as she pulled out a phone...

* * *

(Twenty minutes later...)

" REDFORD ASH KETCHUM, WHAT THE _HELL _ARE YOU DOING ?! " Delia inquired.

" Hi, Mom ! How are you doing ? "

" Why are you naked ? "

" I went in a mud puddle ! "

" Does your father know ? "

" I told you already - he ditched me because he wanted to be a rock star ! "

" What the ---- ?! "

" I have to go now. I need coffee, " Ash said as he jumped off into another tree.

Delia gave a deep sigh. " Damn it. I am so sorry, Jenny. My son had too much caffeine. "

" It's okay. "

" That's it. I am telling him off ! "

* * *

" Hello ? "

" Hi, Red. Do you mind explaining to me why our son is climbing from tree to tree covered in mud naked ? "

" OO I had no idea. "

" Yeah. You need to track his ass now. "

" _Why _? "

" BECAUSE THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT ! "

" _My _fault ? How is it my fault ? "

" _YOU'RE THE ONE WHO LET HIM HAVE CAFFEINE IN THE FIRST PLACE ! " _

" Oh, yeah ! I forgot, Delia. "

" _**I WANT MY SON BACK IN YOUR HOUSE BY THE END OF THE DAY, OR YOU WILL DIE, REDFORD GIOVANNI KETCHUM ! " **_

" Fine. I'll get him. I'm sure he's okay , though. "

" _**WHAT ?!! " **_

" Nothing. "

_**CLICK ! **_

" Ah, got damn it, " Giovanni muttered as he walked out the door.

End

* * *

_Next chapter preview : _

_" Okay. Now do you have any idea why are you doing this ? " _

_" Nope, Carid. " _

_Carid sighed. " You may be my cousin, Ash. But you're an idiot. " _

_" I know. I forgot - where am I ? " _

_" Uh, you're in Pallet Town. " _

_" Oh. " _

_" You do know that your mom is going to be so freaking pissed at you, don't you ? "_

_" Yeah. I don't need a sixteen year old telling me that, though. " _

_" And how the hell did you get naked ? " _

_" Jumped in a mud puddle. " _

_" Okay then... " _


	6. Ash in the Twilight Zone : Part Two

Chapter 6 : Ash in the Twilight Zone : Part 2

* * *

_Part Two ! Yay ! Ash goes crazy, and things keep getting weirder. Also, I used a German word. And hopefully, you'll know what it means. If not, go to and look it up ! But don't ask me !

* * *

_Ash was somewhere back in Pallet Town. And he didn't know how he had got there. He was a little more sane, but he still was naked, and he was still kind of crazy. 

Pretty soon a girl of sixteen was walking near him. She had brown hair tied up in a bun and olive green eyes. She had glasses on with a confused expression. She was Carid Ketchum - assistant to Professor Oak and Ash's cousin.

" Hi, Carid ! " Ash said happily.

" Uh, hi. Auntie says that everyone is looking for you. "

" Eh. "

" Okay. Now do you have any idea why are you doing this ? "

" Nope, Carid. "

Carid sighed. " You may be my cousin, Ash. But you're an idiot. "

" I know. I forgot - where am I ? "

" Uh, you're in Pallet Town. "

" Oh. "

" You do know that your mom is going to be so freaking pissed at you, don't you ? "

" Yeah. I don't need a sixteen year old telling me that, though. "

" And how the hell did you get naked ? "

" Jumped in a mud puddle. "

" Okay then... "

Ash gave a chuckle. " I was on caffeine. So sue me. "

Carid gave a frown. " Okay. But, can you tell me why Entei, Mew, Arceus, and a sponge are playing poker in your back yard ? "

" Uh... HEY ! What the hell are they doing in my yard ? " Ash demanded.

The three legendaries and Spongebob came over towards them. Arceus gave a mischievous grin. " Your mom makes a_wesome _fudge ! We raided the house earlier and found a plate of fudge on her windowsill. It was so great when she left ! We were pigging out, and Entei got drunk from the tequila that we raided from that old man's cabinet ! "

" Okay... but what the hell are you doing here ? " Carid asked.

Mew gave a laugh. " Well, we're ready to go to San Francisco in America. Wanna come ? "

" Sure ! " Ash replied, grinning.

" Ash ! You can't be serious ! " Carid cried.

" Of course I am ! "

" Then, let's go ! " Mew said, teleporting the group to San Francisco, California.

* * *

" Whoa. Looks like a dump, " Entei commented.

" Well, we _are _in the forest, Entei ! So, stop complaining ! " Mew said, rolling her eyes.

" NEE ! THIS IS FUN ! " Arceus called out, hitting Spongebob in his happy place.

" Arceus, quit it already ! " Mew said, throwing a stone at Arceus.

" Why did you three bring me into this ? " Carid inquired, glaring at Ash.

Ash gave a shrug. " I don't know. But I'm hungry. Who wants to go to White Castle ? "

The legendaries and Spongebob all raised their hands. Carid slapped Ash in the face. " YOU IDIOT ! YOU CAN'T GO TO WHITE CASTLE _NAKED _! "

" Says you, " Spongebob muttered, flipping Carid off.

_WHACK ! WHACK ! WHACK ! _

_" I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR OPINION, YOU DUMB SPONGE THINGIE ! " _

" NEEE ! " Spongebob said.

" Okay then... where do we go ? " Ash asked.

Carid buried her head in her hands. " Mew, shouldn't we go home. "

The Mew sighed. " I guess. But my teleportation powers aren't active for an hour. So, until then... we are stuck in this crapshack. "

" Great. "

* * *

" Okay, team ! There is this kid with black hair that is running around Kanto naked. He is Ash Ketchum. If you see him, do _not _try to reason with him. I want you to bring that son of a bitch down. "

" Okay... but why, Jenny ? "

" He threw a stone at me. He must pay ! "

Several officers then went out to look for the missing retard while the Officer Jenny from Viridian City gulped down a shot of very strong whiskey.

* * *

Ash was talking to two tree hugging hippies. Arceus and Entei were wrestling in a mud puddle. Mew was filing her nails (she has _nails ?!) _, and Spongebob was trying to catch a butterfly. As usual, Carid was the only sane person of the bunch.

" Hey, kid. Why don't we ditch everyone and smoke pot ? " one of the hippies said.

" Yeah ! And then we can drive to White Castle ! " the other hippy said.

Ash started to speak, but then Carid whacked the hippies with a bat. " He is _not _freaking interested ! Now go, you damn hippies ! "

The hippies left, and Carid smacked Ash on the head. " You _bastard _! I don't know _what _the hell is wrong with you, but you have to stop acting like a verzögerung ! "

" Don't you call me a retard, Carid ! I hate it when you cuss at me in German ! "

" Well, you _are _a retard, Ash ! You're the one that acted like Tarzan and went to this dump people call San Francisco ! "

" Hey, can you two give it a rest ? I have a headache, " Entei whined.

" Fine, " Carid said, still glaring at Ash.

Mew shrieked. " Holy crap ! It's time for us to go ! "

Mew teleported everyone back to their own home land. The legendaries left, and Ash and Carid were left with Spongebob somewhere in Viridian. Ash gave a grin. " Thank you, America ! San Francisco sucked ! "

Just then, six police officers tackled Ash to the ground and handcuffed him.

* * *

" This is insanity ! I demand a lawyer and some coffee ! " Ash called out in a dinky little jail cell.

" Shut up, Ketchum ! Don't make me hurt you ! " Officer Jenny replied.

" I am hungry though ! This is called child abuse ! I will hang myself if I am not brought up to my demands ! "

" Eh. Like you'll do that, kid. "

( Five minutes later...)

" Hey, kid. I have some soup if you're still... HOLY CRAP ! What are you doing ? " Officer Jenny said, shrieking.

Ash was standing on his bed with a rope in his hand. " What does it look like to you ? Suicide ! "

Officer Jenny gasped. If the kid died, she would be in big trouble with his parents. " Don't do this to yourself ! You have so much to live for ! "

Ash snickered. " Don't taunt me, Jenny. I love this kind of crap ! "

Suddenly, Carid burst in the doors with her friend Floyd, Brock, Misty, Gary, Tracey, and a psychiatrist. " Ash, you have a problem, " she said.

" Damn it, Carid. You brought Misty into this ? "

" Yeah. "

" Well, I do not have a problem."

" Yeah, you do, " Misty admitted.

" I do _not _! "

" Then, why are you still undressed ? " Misty asked.

" I'm proud of my body."

Gary whispered something to Tracey. Ash scowled. " Quit saying I'm gay, Oaky ! I am not ! "

" Well, anyway. We brought a psychiatrist to deal with you. And if Auntie finds out, she will freak. So, you shouldn't tell her about your trip to San Francisco. "

" San Francisco ? What the hell ? "

Everyone turned around to see Ash's mom standing there, looking very pissed off. " Redford Ashton Ketchum... how the hell did you end up in jail ? " Delia asked, glaring at Ash.

" Uh - oh... Hi Mom ! How are you doing ? "

Delia continued to glare at Ash, tapping her foot in disgust. Ash gave a meek smile. " Okay... I went to San Francisco with Carid, Spongebob, and a few legendaries. We had to stay there for an hour because Mew's psychic powers sucked. Then, we all come back here, and half a dozen officers tackled me to the ground. And now I'm in jail facing child abuse. Oh, and about the whole naked thing... I was on caffeine. I threw a stone at Officer Jenny. I fought with Dad's Persian and some idiot... is there anything I am forgetting ? Oh, yeah. Some hippies offered me pot, but Carid turned them down. So... that's what I did today. "

Delia looked like she was about to have a nervous breakdown. " Ash... if you ever do this again you will be tending to my garden for the next five years. And I don't even want to know any more. You are freaking grounded, Mister ! How could you do this ? And with no clothes on ! I hope you're happy ! Shame on you ! "

Ash gave a shrug. " Eh. I'm in jail. How could anything possibly go worse for me ? "

* * *

" What do you mean I have to use a water hose ? "

" Well, your mother said you had to get cleaned. And I am not letting you in my house looking like freaking Sasquatch. So... there's your answer. "

" Dad ! Can't you be on my side for once ? "

" Not when you embarrass your parents. Now, hose yourself or do I have to do it for you ? I _have _been dying to use a Mega - Soaker on someone ? "

" Ehhhhh ! Fine ! I'll hose myself ! "

" Good. And make sure you scrub behind your ears, " Giovanni said, smirking as he handed Ash a bar of soap.

Ash turned the hose on and sprayed Giovanni with it. He turned around and glared at Ash. " Little bastard. Quit it _now_."

Ash snickered. " Make me ! "

Giovanni scowled as he took out a black colored belt from his pants...

* * *

" Oh, great. I told him not to hurt Ash. Eh. I really don't give a damn now. I'm just trying to find out where he keeps his wine bottle - oh. Here we go, " Delia said as she took out a dusty wine bottle from one of the cabinets.

She poured some wine in a cup and watched the scene her ex - husband was making with Ash. Her son was still spraying the both of them with the hose while Giovanni was whipping the crap out of Ash with his belt. Delia poured a little more wine in the cup until she poured the whole contents of the bottle into the cup and sighed. " Eh. He _has _five more of these in the cabinet. I'm sure he won't care. "

(Twenty minutes later...)

" Hoo. I feel kind of sick. Maybe I shouldn't have drank an entire wine bottle by myself. I just need to know where the coffee is at, " Delia muttered, putting a hand to her head.

Delia examined the kitchen until she spotted a coffee machine. " There we go... now how do you work this crazy thing ? "

After a while she got done examining it and found out how to work it. Ten minutes later, she was sipping coffee with some Tylenol.

" Hm. Ash is probably still outside. I never was able to get him to take a bath. Let's see... it's been about a half an hour... give it two minutes, and Ash will be done. I hope his dad is all right, though. That boy is two handfulls. "

Suddenly, Ash came bursting in the kitchen door. " Hi, Mom ! I'm squeaky clean ! "

" That's good. Did you remember to put on underwear ? "

" Uh - huh. "

" Uh, where's your dad ? "

" Outside. "

Delia rushed to the back yard and saw Giovanni drenched in water, passed out. She threw a towel at his head. " Ash, he may be a douchebag, but he's your dad. How could you do this to him ? "

" Eh. Do you like him, Mom ? "

Delia started blushing a deep red. " Quit it and help me dry him off. He's not going to be running any marathons for a while. Uh... make that he's not going to be running at all. Looks like he's sick or something. Probably not. Eh. "

Ash looked at his dad. " Did I really do it ? "

" Yeah. "

Delia continued to dry off her passed out ex - husband. Ash continued to stare at him. " Mom... is he dead ? "

She poked him with a stick and he started to talk in his sleep. " Yeah. He's alive. "

_Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, PHONE CALL ! PHONE CALL ! __Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, PHONE CALL ! PHONE CALL ! __Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, PHONE CALL ! PHONE CALL ! _

Delia saw that a cellphone was ringing. She answered it. " Hello ? "

" Hi. Who the hell are you ? Is that you, Boss ? Have you had a sex change ? "

" No. I'm an actual woman. Uh, let me put you on the phone with him. "

Delia put the phone up to Giovanni's ear. The person said, " Hello ? "

" Yeah ? "

" Uh, we have some new plans to run by you, Sir. "

" Shut up ! Can't you see I'm at a wedding ? "

" Wedding ? "

" Yeah. I'm getting married with my ex. Now, can you get two dozen boxes of uncooked spaghetti to my office by Monday ? "

" Why ? "

" Yeah, you're a good friend, Nick. I love you ! "

" O.O Uh, my name is Jared. "

" Yeah, you do look good in a tuxedo. "

" Okay, I'm hanging up now. "

The caller hung up and Ash looked even more confused. He looked at his dad and grinned evilly. " Cool. Dad's a zombie. Let's poke him ! " He poked Giovanni with his finger and got out a tape recorder. " Uh, Red ? This is Steve Wallace. Do you have a thing for Delia ? " Ash asked, snickering.

" Course I do, Steve. And I could give you at least three reasons why ! "

" Ash, is he still asleep ? " Delia inquired.

" Yeah. "

Suddenly, Spongebob appeared out of nowhere. " Hi, lady ! Hi, Ash ! Can I play with you ? "

Ash gave a wicked smile. " Sure. And I know exactly what to play. It's called, " Ruin Dad's Job " . Are you up for it ? "

" Sure ! "

Spongebob and Ash left to go ruin his dad's reputation while Delia grabbed an empty wine bottle and hit Giovanni in the head with it. He started to snore. " Wow. That guy obviously doesn't know what pain is. "

End

* * *

_Next chapter preview : _

_" Prepare for trouble ! "_

_" And make it double ! " _

_" Uh, can you guys not do the motto ? " Ash asked._

_" Twoip ? What the hell are you doing in the Boss's wheely chair ? " Meowth inquired._

_" Uh, I swiped his keys from his car. Duh. " _

_" Uh - huh. And who is that ? " Jessie asked, pointing at the sponge. _

_" This is Spongebob. He's my friend. " _

_Jessie, James, and Meowth looked confused as Ash smiled at them. " Hey, Meowth. Ever wondered what the feeling of being in a wheely chair is ? " _

_" Naw, twoip ! "_

_" Well, get on my lap and let's see ? "_

_" Dude, are you crazy ? The Boss will kill me if I get in that chair ! " _

_" Eh, I'm sure he won't mind. He's passed out in his back yard. Now, come on ! I don't have all day ! " _

_Meowth walked and got on Ash's lap. The fourteen year old pressed one of the buttons on the chair. " Now, let's see what this baby can do ! " Ash cried._

_Jessie and James looked at each other, and James sighed. " The twerp finally flipped, " he said._

_" So did Meowth, " Jessie added._


	7. Weird TwoParter

Chapter 7 : Weird Two - Parter

* * *

_Nice. I updated. It's two parts - Ash's view, and Delia's view. So... it's regular POV - just two parts to it. Enjoy !

* * *

_

Ash and Spongebob were walking towards the building of Team Rocket. Ash sweatdropped as he looked at the dinky building. " Wow. Looks like the kind of building that doesn't have insurance, " Ash muttered, scratching his head nervously.

" Yeah. One of those crappy buildings. Should we go in ? " Spongebob asked.

" Eh... okay. "

The two idiots went inside casually and immediately spotted a big goose at one of the tables. Ash started to run towards it. " OH YEAH ! THERE'S MY DINNER ! "

* * *

" Hmm. Wonder if Prince Duncehead is ever going to get up, " Delia quietly said.

She nudged Giovanni with a broom she had found. He started to drool. Delia gave a soft chuckle. " I know exactly what to do ! " she exclaimed, running back inside the house.

* * *

" Ow. That really hurt. "

" You're weird, Black Haired Boy ! "

O.o " Dude, I am Ash ! Now, let's see where Dad's office is at, " Ash said, looking at a map of Team Rocket Headquarters that he had bought on ebay.

Ash and Spongebob were taking their time looking at the rooms. Eventually, Ash finally found the office.

It was rather plain, with only pale yellow wallpaper, and a photo of Mew hanging on the wall. But Ash did not look at that. He looked at a marvelous coal black wheely chair. He walked over to it in a daze and sat right on the seat. " God... Buddha Man... that guy who's on the Simpsons... thank you ! I have seen the light ! " Ash cried, feeling the velvet on the seat.

Spongebob gave a giggle and sat on top of the desk. " Now what ? " he inquired.

" Now we wait, little square dude. "

Five minutes passed, and then a red haired woman, a blue haired man, and a Meowth came in, looking kind of dignified. Ash rolled his eyes. " Here we go with the motto , " he muttered.

" Prepare for trouble ! "

" And make it double ! " " Uh, can you guys not do the motto ? " Ash asked.

" Twoip ? What the hell are you doing in the Boss's wheely chair ? " Meowth inquired.

" Uh, I swiped his keys from his car. Duh. "

" Uh - huh. And who is that ? " Jessie asked, pointing at the sponge.

" This is Spongebob. He's my friend. "

Jessie, James, and Meowth looked confused as Ash smiled at them. " Hey, Meowth. Ever wondered what the feeling of being in a wheely chair is ? "

" Naw, twoip ! "

" Well, get on my lap and let's see ? "

" Dude, are you crazy ? The Boss will kill me if I get in that chair ! "

" Eh, I'm sure he won't mind. He's passed out in his back yard. Now, come on ! I don't have all day ! "

Meowth walked and got on Ash's lap. The fourteen year old pressed one of the buttons on the chair. " Now, let's see what this baby can do ! " Ash cried.

Jessie and James looked at each other, and James sighed. " The twerp finally flipped, " he said.

" So did Meowth, " Jessie added.

* * *

" Mrow mrow ? " (Are you sure this is a good idea, Delia ? )

" Yeah, Persian. Don't doubt me now. This will be the funniest thing since that audition on American Idol with that Chinese guy or whoever the guy is." (A/N : It was on Season 7. Check youtube - they do have it on there !)

" Mrow ? Purrr, mrow ? " (But don't you think he's going to find out sooner or later ? I mean, this is his property ! " Persian countered.

" Just leave everything to me ! "

Delia put a blonde wig on her ex - husband's head. It really complimented Giovanni, considering that Delia had put an orange dress on him with mascara and eyeliner. She turned on a video camera. " Okay ! Here is our audition ! " Delia nudged the douchebag in the ear. " What is your name ? " Delia asked.

" I am Ted Kennedy ! " Giovanni murmured in his sleep.

" Any relations to the John F. Kennedy ? "

" No. Just some alcoholic weirdo ! "

" Okay then... how do you feel about the Republicans ? "

" They are the best party ever ! "

Delia stifled a giggle. " Mr. Kennedy, then what do you think about the upcoming American campaigning with the Democratic party ? "

" Both are weirdos. That one guy is a hippy, and the woman is a man - lady ! "

" Okay, stand up and make your speech now ! And let's not talk about the Democrats - I'm a supporter of them ! " Delia said sternly.

Giovanni got up, still in his sleep , and flipped off the camera. " I love Republicans ! All other parties go to hell ! Oh, and give me some fruit snacks and a tape of the recent Teletubbies episode ! "

And with that, he fell over and Delia started to laugh really loudly.

* * *

"_ WHEEEEE ! THIS IS THE BEST EXPERIENCE EVER_ ! " Meowth cried.

" I know ! Who says being in charge of a criminal empire is boring ? " Ash asked. " This is awesome ! "

_**CRASH !**_

Suddenly, Ash and Meowth fell over the stairs of the building and fell on the floor, accidentally pushing the ' manual ' button of the chair. It growled. " I'm finally free to kill the bunnies in Kanto ! " it screeched. " Now to go on a rampage ! "

OO " Uh - oh... " Ash trailed off. " Are you going to kill us ? "

" Uh, I'm going to try. By the way, call me Kevin ! " the wheely chair added.

" Whoa. I'm either high, or we should run like hell ! " Meowth muttered.

" Yeah... let's start ! "

Ash and Meowth started to run, with Spongebob besides them, and the wheely chair called Kevin at their heels. Suddenly, a blonde haired girl with violet eyes stood in front of them. " Uh, what the hell are you three doing ? " she asked.

" Uh... nothing, Domino ! " Meowth exclaimed.

" Yeah. Uh, who are those two freaks ? " Domino demanded, pressing on.

" Hi. I'm Ash Ketchum, and that's Spongebob. Kevin is on a rampage, and we're running like little girls now ! " Ash replied.

" Who the ---- is Kevin ? "

The wheely chair twirled. " I am Kevin ! Bow down or get run over like Grandma Spankenheimer with the reindeer ! "

" Holy crap ! What did you _do_ ?! " Domino inquired, pulling Ash's neck close to hers.

" Uh, I think we 'brokeded' it ! I don't know. I can't get ' technimical ' ! " Ash exclaimed.

" Yeah. Your grammar sucks, twoip ! " Meowth said.

Kevin started to inch closer towards Ash, Meowth, Spongebob, and Domino. Everybody had this expression on their face. OO Ash peed his pants, and the four started to run away from the angry wheely chair. " _**THIS IS JUST LIKE THE COFFEE POT INCIDENT**_ ! " Ash cried. (A/N : Check Chapter 23 of Pokemon Telethon for more information.)

" You suck ! " Spongebob replied.

* * *

" Now what do I do ? " Delia asked herself. " I wonder what would happen if I turned Giovanni to a chibi. Or soy sauce. I'm pretty sure the result would end up the same , though. "

Delia was sitting in a lawn chair, looking at the evil douchebag. She was about to get out her soy sauce decapitator when Ash, Meowth, Spongebob, and Domino ran across the yard. " Help, Mom ! " Ash cried.

" What the heck ? " Delia asked.

Domino turned and looked at Delia. She then spotted Giovanni. " Holy crap ! That lady drugged the Boss ! "

" Uh, no - actually, that was Ash's doing ! " Delia nervously chuckled.

Ash sweatdropped. " We can't think of that ! We're getting chased ! "

Delia turned around to see Kevin. She turned white. " Ash... what the ---- is that ?! "

" Uh, Kevin. He's Dad's angry wheely chair ! " Ash replied.

Ash's mom banged her head. " Redford Ashton Ketchum, I don't know how the hell you managed to get a wheely chair alive on a killing spree, but I know the exact way to stop it. It's just like the coffee pot ! " Delia said, grabbing a shotgun.

" Mom... where did you get a shotgun ? " Ash inquired.

" I always keep one in my purse. I also have a permit ! "

O.o " Okay then... "

Delia gave a grin as Kevin creeped closer...

_BANG ! BANG !_

And the wheely chair named Kevin fell over Giovanni and died on him, releasing blood.

" That does not make sense ! " Domino commented.

Everyone started to creep away and go to the other side of the house while Giovanni finally got up. He looked at what was on top of him - a wheely chair. He started to wail. " _**NOOOOOO ! WHEELYYYYY !**_ **_WHOEVER DID THIS TO KEVIN WILL PAY !!_** " the madman screamed.

Delia shook her head annoyingly. " Yeah... maybe we should go now. "

Ash, Meowth, Spongebob, and Domino nodded. Everyone left as Giovanni was left to grieve over the evil wheely chair.

End

* * *

_Next chapter preview :_

_" Okay. Let's put this thing on YouTube ! " Delia cried, holding a disk._

_" Uh, what is it ? " Ash asked._

_" Blackmail. You'll see. "_

_Delia popped the disk in the hard drive, and the five minute rant of Ash's dad was heard. After that, Ash laughed so hard he peed his pants. " Yeah, Mom. That is the funniest thing I have ever heard ! "_

_Spongebob also laughed. " Yeah ! My neighbor is crazy. "_

_Delia just chuckled as she pressed the Upload button on the website. The video soon was uploaded and placed on Delia's YouTube account. " Now let's see if we can get some hits on this crazy thing ! "_

_Two minutes later, a green dot flashed. Delia squealed in surprise. " Cool ! We already got a hit ! "_

_Soon ten more hits popped up. Ash gave a grin. " Cool ! Now I know where I get my mischief from ! " he declared._

_" No... that was from throwing you from the stairs accidentally. "_


	8. Basic Ex:In:Law Relationship

Chapter 8 : Basic Ex - In - Law Relationship

* * *

_Yay ! Twenty reviews ! Anyway, this is a really weird chapter. Namecalling, grieving, some YouTube references. A little crazy, but that's how I write. : )

* * *

_

A couple of hours after they left the madman know as Giovanni's house, Ash, Spongebob, and Delia were lounging around a table with the family computer on top of it.

" Okay. Let's put this thing on YouTube ! " Delia cried, holding a disk.

" Uh, what is it ? " Ash asked.

" Blackmail. You'll see. "

Delia popped the disk in the hard drive, and the five minute rant of Ash's dad was heard. After that, Ash laughed so hard he peed his pants. " Yeah, Mom. That is the funniest thing I have ever heard ! "

Spongebob also laughed. " Yeah ! My neighbor is crazy. "

Delia just chuckled as she pressed the Upload button on the website. The video soon was uploaded and placed on Delia's YouTube account. " Now let's see if we can get some hits on this crazy thing ! "

Two minutes later, a green dot flashed. Delia squealed in surprise. " Cool ! We already got a hit ! "

Soon ten more hits popped up. Ash gave a grin. " Cool ! Now I know where I get my mischief from ! " he declared.

" No... that was from throwing you from the stairs accidentally. "

Ash scratched his head nervously. O.o " Okay, then... I did not need to know that, Mom. "

Spongebob gave a giggle. " YAY ! Ash is a retard ! "

" I am not ! You are ! " Ash retorted.

" Me ?! Why me ? "

" Uh, let's start with the fact that you are thirty - five, Spongebob. "

Spongebob sniffled a shed a single tear. " That's it. I don't need to take this crap. I'm going home ! "

Delia pinched the squishy sponge on the cheek. " Okay. Do you want some doughnuts ? "

" Yeah. "

The weird mom took a basket from one of the cabinets and handing Spongebob it, filled with jelly doughnuts. The sponge giggled. " Thank you, lady ! "

" Uh... no problem... I guess. "

Spongebob left the house and Domino rolled her eyes. Obviously, she followed the group after Delia shot the wheely chair Kevin with a shotgun. The blonde haired eighteen year old gave a sigh as she plopped on the couch next to Ash. Delia glared at her. " Yeah. Why are you here, Blondie ? " Delia inquired.

Domino yanked a hair from her head and shrugged. " I dunno. Most likely it's because I'm ditching work. Or, trying not to get blamed for a certain lady that shot a maniacal wheely chair called Kevin ! "

Ash's eyes bulged and buried his head in his hands. " Why are both my parents weird ? Is this because I killed Gary's pet iguana ? Or is it because I made Brock blind ? GIVE ME AN EXPLANATION ! "

(Meanwhile...)

" DA - AH - HA - HA - HA ! DA - AH - HA - HA - HA ! DA - AH - HA - HA - HA ! DA - AH - HA - HA - HA ! "

Spongebob was having the time of his life, watching Delia's home video on YouTube at his house. (A/N : Whoa. Spongebob can actually work a computer ?) He was propped on the floor while sipping iced tea. (I know - it's weird, isn't it ?)

What the yellow little retard didn't know was that he was laughing very loudly, and he had his windows open. So, one of his neighbors came pounding on his door. For once, it was not Giovanni. It wasn't even one of the neighbors.

Spongebob opened the door to reveal a tall woman. She had long gray hair streaked with black. She was wearing a green t - shirt . The woman was also wearing a long red skirt , black fishnets, and dark red high heels. Spongebob offered a hand. " Hi ! I'm Spongebob ! " Spongebob gleefully said.

The woman scowled. " My name is Annette Bartonelli. I was wondering if uh, my son was here. Brown hair, dark eyes, has an idiotic personality. Does he live here ? " Annette asked with a heavy Italian accent.

" Oh, you're thinking of my neighbor guy. But he's grieving over Kevin. "

Annette scratched her head out of frustration. " Over who ? "

Spongebob gave a giggle. " His wheely chair. My friend, Ash - his mom gunned it down with a shotgun because it was on an emo rampage. "

" That idiota ! I can't believe he cries over a wheely chair. Boo hoo. In my day we didn't even have chairs with wheels ! Dumb ritardo ! "

Spongebob scratched his head. " Whoa. Talk about issues. Would you like to see a YouTube video ? "

" Ehhhhh... okay. As long as no money comes out of my pocket. "

The squishy yellow square showed the rant on YouTube to Annette. After it was done, she turned red. " THE DUMMY ! Those idiots give my son Team Rocket since they thought I was a horrible leader. Now look at him ! Nothing more than a man - lady that supports Republicans ! "

Just then, Ash came in Spongebob's house. " Uh, hi , Spongebob. Is my dad still crying over Kevin ? It looks like it. "

" Yeah. Some lady is here right now, " Spongebob replied. " Wanna meet her now ? "

" Uh, yeah. "

" Okay, then ! "

Spongebob shoved Ash to the computer area, where Annette was looking at the screensaver with curiosity. Ash sweatdropped and Spongebob giggled. " Hi , lady ! This is my friend ! "

Ash gave a nervous chuckle. " Hi. "

Annette glared at the fourteen year old. " No respect. I am Annette Bartonelli. And who are you ? "

Ash gave his famous anime - pose. " I am Ash Ketchum from Pallet Town ! I am fourteen years old, and occasionally wet the bed. And my best friend is Pikachu ! "

Suddenly, the old woman of sixty - one stood up and took out a knife. " Ketchum ? Oh, I know who you are. You're that druggie baby that my idiota son and that slut had fourteen years ago ! "

OO " Lady, did you just call my mom a slut ? " Ash asked.

" I didn't call her that. I know she's a slut. It's simple fact. All those men looking at her cleavage. It's sick, " Annette said, shrugging.

Ash started to turn red . " She is not a freaking slut ! "

Suddenly, Annette grabbed her purse and whacked Ash with it. " Yeah, she is. Little idiota - you'll never know how much I will hate you. Why ? You'll be in a coma for the rest of your life ! "

O.o " Uh... what do you mean by that ? " Ash inquired.

Spongebob shoved Ash out the door. " It means you should run, buddy. Far away. "

Ash turned white and started to run. Far away. Unfortunately for him, Annette was chasing him with her heavy purse, and Ash was screaming. " HELP ! I'M BEING CHASED BY MY SENILE GRANDMOM ! "

After Giovanni stopped grieving over " Kevin " , he decided to play with his cellphone. Pressing some buttons, he entered YouTube. There was a video in there called, " Crazy Republican Rant." The douchebag entered the video, and... (Well, this part is censored, but let's just say there's only a couple of vases left in Giovanni's home, and that his Persian ran like hell)

" AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH !! SOMEBODY ----ING HELP ME ! THIS WOMAN IS MAD !!! " Ash yelled.

" Now, why don't you come down, little boy, and I'll make sure this is quick and painful for you , yes ? " Annette purred.

Ash was back in Pallet Town. Apparently, Annette had chased Ash up a tree, and now he was stuck up there for twenty minutes. Ash looked like he was going to pee his pants.

" Why are you picking on me ?! " Ash demanded. " I'm sure there are at least a thousand other boys you can whack. In fact, I could show you one. His name is Tracey Sketchit. He's a retard. You'd have fun. "

Annette pretended to think for a moment. " Uh... no. You look like the perfect target for my bag going up your ass. Noou (now) , don't take this personally, kid. It's not you. It's your genes... and actually, I really don't like you. So... prepare to die, you cheeky bastard. "

BAG !

" HEY, STAY AWAY FROM MY SON ! "

" My, it's the old daughter - in - law, " Annette mused. " I have a question for you, Delia. Who did you pick for your ' target ' ? Idiota professor ? That guy Hale ? Or are you kicking it in young with Lance ? "

Delia turned red. " Uh, besides the fact that Lance is my brother , NO ! "

Ash scratched his head. " Wait, Lance is your brother ? "

" Yeah, Ash. Lance is my brother. "

Ash suddenly had a fantasy where Lance was singing " I Am Your Brother " in a fluffy pink tutu. (A/N : But it would defy the natural order if I showed it to you.)

" Quit having fantasies about Lance, Ash ! " Delia hissed. " And you need to get off my property, Annette ! "

Annette gave a shrug. " I have my powers... YouTube , attack ! "

T.T " YouTube ? Uh, that's just a website. It doesn't do anything evil except for your usual M rated videos, " Ash commented.

Annette threw Spongebob's laptop on the ground. " Blast this technology ! I can never get it to work ! "

Meanwhile, Delia was recording Annette on a video camera...

And Ash was getting scarred for life.

Finally Ash fell out of the tree, and Delia managed to get her ex - mother - in - law restrained with a bunch of ropes.

Giovanni was playing paddle ball. Literally. When you see an old man playing paddle ball, it's usually out of advanced boredom. Or depression. Or both. Which was probably the case with the douchebag. And what was even sadder was he couldn't get one hit.

" Blast the paddle ball ! Why did the companies have to make this so hard ?! " Giovanni whined.

His cellphone started to ring. Giovanni threw it into a pothole , where it angrily vibrated back to him like a boomerang. The weirdo leader of Team Rocket groaned. " Give me a break ! It's my off day ! "

Bzzz... bzzz.

" Fine, I'll answer it. Hello ? "

" Hello ? Is this some drug addicted hippie ? "

" ?? Right... " Giovanni started to trail off.

" LET ME AT THE KID, YOU AUBURN HAIRED SLUT !!! "

" I swear to Bob you are the most annoying , greedy, sinister woman in the all the regions ! "

" I SAID LET ME GO ! "

" N - HEY ! Give me back my cellphone ! "

" I'll give you back your cellphone Delia when I'm allowed to hurt that retarded son of yours to a pulp ! "

" Give it... "

" (annoying signal) "

SNATCHY !

" Okay, Annette. You need to shut it. Somebody's on the other end. Hello ? "

" ... Forget the hippie. Sounds like you two ladies have been drinking, " Giovanni muttered.

" See ? I told you, Delia ! My son doesn't like you ! "

" Not this conversation again ! "

" Yeah ! It all began in '84. "

Another voice joined in. " Hi. Uh, Mom ? Can I use your cellphone real quick for a call ? "

" Yeah. Here, Ash. "

" Yay ! Hey... this phone is turned on. Are you sure having this sort of argument with a crazy old lady is going to solve your problems, Mom ? "

" Just use the damn phone. "

" Oh. So... hi, caller ! Sorry about the yelling. My mom and this weird lady that claims to be my grandma have been arguing ever since the lady chased me up a tree. So... how's life, Professor ? "

" OO Ah, crap ! "

" You sound sick, Professor. Douchebaggy sounding sick. "

" I'm not the professor, Ash. "

" So you're an imposter then ? "

" I'm not a professor, period ! "

" Oh... so are you one of my mom's stalkers ? Like my dad ? "

" Ash, I am your dad ! "

" Yeah, right. My dad does not sound that bad ! "

" Uh, yeah I do. "

" Okay, Mr. Nobody. I'm going to hang up now. "

" Red, d - "

Click.

(Twenty minutes later...)

" Whoa. Wonder if we have any fudgies , " Ash said to himself. " I'm sure Mom won't mind - after all, she is taking a nap. And Weird Grandma knocked herself out. So...okay,then. "

Ash started to open the refrigerator when the doorbell rang. " Eh. It's probably Professor Oak. "

He gave a shrug and went back to raiding. Meanwhile, Pikachu waddled to the door and answered it. " Pikaaaa ? " (Who the hell are you ?)

Giovanni put a hand to his forehead. " Hi. Is Ash home ? "

" Pika - pikachu ! " (AAH ! It's a stalker ! )

" I'm not a st - "

THUNDERBOLT !

" Ow. "

THUNDER !!

" Damn you, little rat ! I'm not a stalker ! "

" Pi pi - pika - pikachu. " (Then you're that crappy mailman !)

" NO, I'M NOT ! "

" PIKACHUUUUUUU !!!! "

" AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !! "

THUMP !

" Hey, Pikachu ! Why are you so noisy ? " Ash asked, walking over towards Pikachu.

" Pi - pika. " (Stalking mailman.)

Ash gave a chuckle. " Oh. Well, then, let me close the door then. "

" I swear to Bob if you close that door on me I will hurt you, Red. "

" AAAAAHHH !! ZOMBIE ! "

WHACK ! WHACK WHACK !

" YAY ! I killed the zomb- uh - oh... Dad ? Is that you ? "

" ... yeah, it's me. Not the mailman. "

" Hi. "

" Yeah... you said my mother was here, Red ? "

" Uh - huh. She's sleeping in the couch tied to those ropes. "

" Okay, let me get rid of her. Brought a taxi. "

The douchebag dragged Annette outside and shoved her in the taxi. Ash looked shocked. Then, Giovanni came back to the doorstep. " So... how are things going for you, son ? "

" ... I so do not have normal parents. "

" And I don't have a normal son. "

" Okay... weird moment. Can you leave, Dad ? "

" Why ? "

" Uh, Mom is going to wake up in a few minutes, and I don't think she'll be happy seeing her stalking ex - husband on her front porch. "

" I'm not scared of her. "

" So... you like her, then ? "

Giovanni paled a little. " No. "

" Admit it ! "

" Never ! "

" (gasp) You do like her ! "

" That's it. I'm leaving. "

" Too late. She's up. "

Delia glared at Ash's dad. He moaned. " Damn it. "

" Hi. "

" Yeah, either get off my doorstep and get in here, or get the hell off of my property ! " " Okay, I'm going to leave, then. "

" Right. By the way, that Kool - Aid guy called. He said that you missed you two's date, " Delia said, grinning.

" What the f- "

SLAM !

The door slammed in Giovanni's face. He looked at the door for a few seconds , and then he walked away. " Okay, then... "

End

(Next chapter preview : )

" Dad ? Why are we going to OfficeMax again ? " Ash inquired, biting his nails.

" Looking for a replacement chair. "

" Can't you go to a garage sale and just buy a used one ? "

" Ash ! I'm appalled ! You can't just buy a chair ! You have to find the one that suits your personality ! "

" But, Dad, the last time you did that it went on a rampage ! "

" Red... "

" Yeah, I can see your personality. A greedy, manipulative douchebag that likes my mom ! "

" You're such a freaking little prick ! "

" Thanks, Dad . "

Giovanni gave a small groan. " Why is the sponge thingie with us ? "

" He likes the bubble wrap, " Ash innocently replied, hugging Spongebob.

" I'm not going to ask any farther. Let's just leave it at that. "

Misty sweatdropped. " Ash, why did you have to bring me along ? "

Ash made a quiet signal to the backseat of the car. " I haven't told him yet, Misty. Be quiet ! " he hissed.

" Well, if you would just introduce me, we wouldn't have this problem ! " Misty quickly whispered.

" Oh, God. You still have imaginary friends ? "

Ash lightly blushed. " Yeah. "

" Good gravy, you're fourteen ! "

Spongebob giggled. " Even I'm not that much of a retard ! "

Giovanni glared at the sponge. " Shut up ! "


	9. OfficeMax

Chapter 9 : OfficeMax

* * *

_A little shorter, but still good.

* * *

_

It was around ten o' clock in Pallet Town. Ash and Spongebob were lounging around the porch waiting for Ash's dad to take them to OfficeMax. A red haired girl of sixteen also was waiting with them - Misty Waterflower. Misty was looking at the sky while talking to the black haired fourteen year old. " So, Ash... did you tell your dad about me ? " she asked.

" No. "

" Well, does he know I'm coming with you guys ? "

" No. "

" You dumb - ass ! You were supposed to tell him, Ash ! "

" Spare me the lecture, Misty. "

Spongebob grinned. " You two like each other , don't you ! "

_PUMMEL !_

" _**SHUT UP, YOU WEIRD SPONGE THING ! **_" Misty cried.

Suddenly, Giovanni's car came up the driveway. Ash shoved Misty out of sight. " I have a plan. Go with it, " Ash whispered.

* * *

The douchebag stepped out of the car. As usual, Delia glared at him. " Hi. So... how was your date with Mr. Kool - Aid ? "

" For the third time, I am not going out with that pitcher of Kool - Aid , Delia ! "

" Yeah. What about Blondie. "

" Who ? "

" That girl. "

" Not Domino ! Doesn't that go against sexual predator laws ? "

" Yeah, but you never know. "

* * *

Misty crawled in the backseat. " This better work, Ash ! Just because I'm your friend doesn't mean I can't get pissed at you ! "

" Don't worry. It will work, " Ash said, giving a chuckle and hopping in the front seat.

Spongebob climbed in and put his feet on Misty's back. " Cool. I got myself a foot bench ! " he squealed in delight.

_WHACK !_

" Not in your life ! " Misty muttered.

" Dad ? Why are we going to OfficeMax again ? " Ash inquired, biting his nails.

" Looking for a replacement chair. "

" Can't you go to a garage sale and just buy a used one ? "

" Ash ! I'm appalled ! You can't just buy a chair ! You have to find the one that suits your personality ! "

" But, Dad, the last time you did that it went on a rampage ! "

" Red... "

" Yeah, I can see your personality. A greedy, manipulative douchebag that likes my mom ! "

" You're such a freaking little prick ! "

" Thanks, Dad . "

Giovanni gave a small groan. " Why is the sponge thingie with us ? "

" He likes the bubble wrap, " Ash innocently replied, hugging Spongebob.

" I'm not going to ask any farther. Let's just leave it at that. "

Misty sweatdropped. " Ash, why did you have to bring me along ? "

Ash made a quiet signal to the backseat of the car. " I haven't told him yet, Misty. Be quiet ! " he hissed.

" Well, if you would just introduce me, we wouldn't have this problem ! " Misty quickly whispered.

" Oh, God. You still have imaginary friends ? "

Ash lightly blushed. " Yeah. "

" Good gravy, you're fourteen ! "

Spongebob giggled. " Even I'm not that much of a retard ! "

Giovanni glared at the sponge. " Shut up ! "

Finally they grew in view of the Pewter City OfficeMax. Ash gave a small grin. " Hey, Dad ? Why do we have to go to the OfficeMax in Pewter City ? "

" The OfficeMax in Viridian City banned me for about the next twenty years. Now get out of my car ! "

Ash nodded and got out. Giovanni glared at him and Spongebob. " Okay, then. Let's go. "

Spongebob waddled after the evil man. Meanwhile, Ash quickly unlocked the back door, and Misty thumped on the concrete floor. " Damn you, Ketchum. I'm never going with another one of your plans again ! " she muttered.

" At least it worked, " Ash said, shrugging.

SLAP !

" You suck, Ash ! "

" That hurt. "

" No d- "

" Yeah, yeah. I know, already, Misty. No da. You need to stop talking to that four foot boy Chiriko all the time. " (A/N: Chiriko is a character from the manga Fushiigi Yugi. Not mine.)

" Ash... maybe you need to turn around, " Misty whispered, making pointing signs.

" T.T My dad is right behind us , isn't he ? "

" Yes, I am. "

Ash gave a pathetic moan. " Hi, Dad. This is Misty. "

" Okay, then. I really don't care what you do with your girlfriend. Just tell me next time. "

Ash's dad walked away again, and Misty heavily blushed. "_ I AM NOT HIS GIRLFRIEND ! "_

* * *

Giovanni eyed a green chair with black stripes. " How does this one look ? "

Ash rolled his eyes. " You've been asking that for every single one ! Just grab a chair and let's get the hell out of here ! "

Spongebob nodded. " I agree with my buddy. This shopping sucks. "

Misty glared at both Ash and Spongebob. " Uh, to tell the truth, it kinda looks tacky. Cheap material. It's the kind that gets stained easily. "

" Whoa. I don't know how my son ever met you, but you've got a good eye. Yes, this chair does look like it's not that good. "

Ash gave another moan. " No, Misty ! You just made everything worse ! Dad, she doesn't know what she's talking about ! She has this retarded syndrome ! "

Misty punched Ash on the arm lightly. " Okay. How about you and that idiot leave, and I'll help your dad shop for a crappy chair ? "

" What ?! You can't go with my dad ! He'll rape you ! " Ash protested.

" No, I wouldn't, you little prick, and you know it ! " Giovanni hissed.

" Fine. Pickpocket her. Whatever you prefer. "

" Cheeky little retard ! "

" Douchebag criminal ! "

Misty rolled her eyes. " Those two are going to be at it for a while, " she murmured.

* * *

Meanwhile, Spongebob had ideas of his own. He was checking out some other things.

" Whoa. You mean I can get a condo for half of what I'm paying now ? What do I do ? " the sponge happily asked.

The selling con artist smirked. " All you have to do is burn down your neighbor's house ! "

" Okay ! I'll do it ! "

* * *

" Starmie, use bubblebeam ! "

" Don't do it, Misty ! I promise we'll both stop arguing. Just do - "

_**BUBBLEBEAM !!!**_

Ash thumped down to the ground. Giovanni made a shuddering noise, similar to Sideshow Bob's on the Simpsons. " You so did not have to do that, lady. Hurt like hell. (shudders) "

Misty gave a wide grin. " Sorry. It must have slipped my mind, Mr. Ketchum. "

" Yeah... do either one of you know where that sponge thingie took off to ? "

Ash scratched his head. " Not a clue. "

Suddenly a loud voice came booming through the OfficeMax speakers._ " UH, WHOEVER LIVES IN ORANGRIFIC LANE, THERE'S A HOUSE BURNING FROM A DUMB SPONGE THINGIE ! "_

" Misty ? Maybe we should ditch my dad... right about... NOW ! " Ash hissed, quickly shoving Misty out of OfficeMax.

Misty was struck dumb as Ash was getting her away from a lot of obscene language.

* * *

(Several hours later...)

" Why do I have to sleep in a tent, Ash ? I just got my house burned down for Pete's sake ! " Giovanni whined.

" Uh, quote - If you let that douchebag bastard you call your father into my house to sleep in, I will hurt him. Badly. And I might put some hurtin' on you too, Ash. Unquote. Now you know, Dad, " Ash replied.

" This sucks. I turn my head around for five seconds, and that sponge thingie ruined my life yet again. "

Misty gave a chuckle. " But wasn't your life already ruined with that video on YouTube , Mr. Ketchum ? "

" Oh, yeah. And that was Ash's mother's doing, wasn't it , son ? "

" Yeah. It sure is funny, though , " Ash said, grinning.

End 

* * *

_As you can see, Giovanni will be living closer near Ash now. Is this a good thing ? Absolutely not. Will it get weirder ? Yes, it will. Will I torture Giovanni more ? Yet again, the answer is yes. But until then, I have to think some ideas on how to do it. Til next chapter, see ya !

* * *

_

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Uh... what exactly is this again, Ash ? "_

_" Dad's evil ties, " Ash replied, eyeing the red tie as if it was a snake._

_" So is this why Aunt Delia told the three of us to pick out Uncle Red's clothes ? " Carid asked._

_Misty shook her head. " Nope. An even worse reason. "_

_Ash nodded. " Mom burned all of Dad's orange suits in the stove a couple of hours ago. Said she didn't want that crap on her property. "_

_" T.T Issues. "_

_" I know. So now we have to go to buy some. "_

_Misty scratched her head. " And we can't get any clothes from Professor Oak because... "_

_" Dad said he would kill the professor if that ever happened, " Ash said, shrugging._

_" O.o Is your whole family that dysfunctional, Ash ? "_

_" Well, everyone except for me, Carid, and Candice. "_

_" Wait... Candice of Snowpoint City Gym ? "_

_" Yeah. That one. She's also my cousin. Older cousin. "_


	10. New Clothes

Chapter 10 : New Clothes

* * *

_I used some suggestions. Just one weird chapter. INVOLVES PATRICK ! YAY !

* * *

_

Ash, Misty, and Carid were in Giovanni's tent, looking at his belongings.

" Uh... what exactly is this again, Ash ? "

" Dad's evil ties, " Ash replied, eyeing the red tie as if it was a snake.

" So is this why Aunt Delia told the three of us to pick out Uncle Red's clothes ? " Carid asked.

Misty shook her head. " Nope. An even worse reason. "

Ash nodded. " Mom burned all of Dad's orange suits in the stove a couple of hours ago. Said she didn't want that crap on her property. "

" T.T Issues. "

" I know. So now we have to go to buy some. "

Misty scratched her head. " And we can't get any clothes from Professor Oak because... "

" Dad said he would kill the professor if that ever happened, " Ash said, shrugging.

" O.o Is your whole family that dysfunctional, Ash ? "

" Well, everyone except for me, Carid, and Candice. "

" Wait... Candice of Snowpoint City Gym ? "

" Yeah. That one. She's also my cousin. Older cousin. "

Carid sweatdropped. " Can we go look for some clothes, now ? "

Ash nodded. " Yeah... "

* * *

Meanwhile, Giovanni was being tortured in the worst possible way - watching Oobi on Noggin.

_" WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME ! ONLY PRESCHOOLERS AND POTHEADS WATCH THIS CRAP ! "_ Giovanni whined.

" Uh, torture. I also brought one of your friends for you, " Delia said.

The pink starfish came in - Patrick. Giovanni sweatdropped. " Don't do this to me. Shoot me. Kick me in my happy place. Burn me in a pit. But don't leave me alone with this idiot , Delia - please ! "

" Uh, you had your chance. "

Delia left the room, giggling, and Patrick grinned. He took out a box of melted chocolates from his underwear. " Want some ? "

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "**_

* * *

Carid drove to the bank. Ash sweatdropped. " Why are we here, Carid ? " he asked, scratching his head.

Carid sighed. " To get some money. Nothing is free at Target, Ash. You already know that. "

The three were walking inside when they heard a shrill girly voice coming from inside. " You know what I want ! Give it ! " it screeched.

_" WE ALREADY TOLD YOU, YOU CRAZY SPONGE THINGIE ! WE DO NOT SELL FUDGIES HERE ! "_

Ash banged his head on the wall as he saw Spongebob in a ski mask with a gun threatening a shrimpy bank teller. Carid wiped her glasses. Misty grabbed her mallet, and Ash whimpered. " Uh, he's got a gun, Misty. A _gun_. "

" So ? I'm not afraid of some dumb sponge thingie ! "

Misty stomped forward and picked Spongebob at the neck. At first, he glared. Misty glared even harder. The sponge whimpered as Misty got medieval on Spongebob's ass.

All the people there also whimpered. So did Ash. Spongebob immediately crapped his pants. " I'm sorry ! Don't hurt me ! "

After a while, Spongebob was laying in Carid's back seat. Ash peed his pants. Misty was somehow awarded a medal for saving the bank. (And our story continues)

* * *

_POKE..._

" Why are you doing this to me ? " Giovanni demanded, moaning.

Patrick shrugged. " Cause I like you. "

O.o " _Please_ let it be in a friendship way. "

Patrick nodded as he kept eating chocolate. Giovanni was still stuck in the living room watching Oobi. The forty - four year old man sighed. " Can I have a piece ? "

Patrick smacked Giovanni's hand. " Get your own chocolate, bub. "

" Damn it. "

* * *

Finally Ash, Carid, and Misty were at Target. Spongebob meekly followed them, not wanting to get pummeled by Misty's mallet again. Ash held up a purple collared t - shirt with a pocket attached to it. " What do you think ? "

Misty and Carid gave it the thumbs up sign. Ash threw it in the shopping cart.

The next item was a black shirt with Elmo on it. Everyone started to laugh as Ash threw it in the cart.

Item number three was a white shirt with flowers on it. Of course, they threw it in the cart.

And then after a few more serious items they walked and paid for the items, knowing that it would make Giovanni more girly , which was their goal.

* * *

BANG . _BANG_. _**BANG.**_

" Uh, Dad ? What are you doing ? " Ash asked.

Patrick was on top of Giovanni, smashing chocolates down his throat. The poor man had his hands tied, and was wearing black flowery shorts. " _**SOMEBODY ----ING HELP ME !!!**_ " he shouted.

Ash, Carid, and Misty sweatdropped as they quickly headed for the kitchen. Giovanni gulped. " Don't leave me here with these two ! "

Spongebob took out more chocolate. " YAY ! TORTURE IS FUN ! " he giggled, throwing chocolate in Giovanni's head.

* * *

Delia started to sing Daybreak loudly in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Giovanni was kneeling down outside trying to get chocolate out of his hair and his shorts. Ash was watching. " Wow. I wish I would have seen you getting humiliated, Dad, but I was kind of busy. "

" (growl) Why can't I do this in the bathroom, again ? "

Ash scratched his head nervously. " You could, but I highly not suggest it. "

" Why not ? "

" Uh, Mom has the Daybreak song on. And singing it. She also has a knife and chopping celery. Haven't you ever watched Serial Mom ? "

" I don't get into murder movies, Ash. I'm just glad those idiots finally left. "

" No. They're still here. Carid and Misty were the ones who left. "

Just then, Patrick turned on the hose and hosed Giovanni. He got soaked, and started to curse. Spongebob threw a bunch of Weedle on him, and they started to sting him. Ash made a Simpsons uh - oh (guh - ee - ee). And Giovanni banged his head on the bucket. " I hate my life. I sooooo hate my life. Why does Arceus make me tortured ?! "

Arceus suddenly showed up. " ' Cause... it's fun. "

O.o " What the_ hell ?..._ "

Arceus used hyper beam on the douchebag of Team Rocket. " You suck, Arceus. "

* * *

(Somewhere in Kanto...)

Mewtwo performed a psychic attack on a certain person in Pallet Town. " That's for making me emo, you gotdamn bastard ! " Mewtwo shouted, throwing shadow balls across the place.

" _MEWTWO !_ Quit doing that ! " Mew scolded.

" Uh, sorry Mom, " Mewtwo apologized, scowling.

Celebi giggled as it also threw shadow balls everywhere. Mewtwo sweatdropped. " Yeah... why did you marry Celebi for my dad, again ? "

Mew giggled. " Uh, I was drunk. Duh. "

Mewtwo took a knife and cut himself. " No more hap - pi - ness. Weir - do green thing is my dad. I cut for plea - sure. (Neat. Mewtwo made a haiku.)

* * *

Arceus soon disappeared, and Ash grinned. " Sweet, Dad. Are you normal yet ? "

Giovanni glared at the fourteen year old. " Nothing is normal around here, Ash, right ? "

" Yeah. "

" Do these kinds of things happen in Pallet every day ? "

Delia kicked her ex - husband and grinned. " Just about. "

" (long moan) I hate my life now. Tot - tal - ly sucks - ass bad - ly. Sponge thing ru - ined life. " (Another haiku.)

" Yes, it did. Want some dinner ? " Delia asked.

" Yeah, that would help. "

" Okay. Try washing yourself then and get inside before dark. I don't need some douchebag criminal using the hose at six at night, " Delia said, going back inside the house.

Ash scratched his head. " Yeah. That's about as much kindness as you're also going to get. "

" (sarcastically)_ Wow_. Thanks for the reminder, son. "

" No problem, Dad. Make sure to also change your underwear. " " I will. Just let me sit here for a loooong time. "

End 

* * *

_This will be probably one of my favorite chapters. Behold, another preview episode rivalry between Ketchum and Oak. What will happen ? I have no idea. Still thinking.

* * *

__(Next chapter preview : )_

_Professor Oak glared at Giovanni. " Hi. "_

_" Hi, Professor Oak, " Giovanni crisply replied, also glaring._

_" What the hell are you doing here ? " Professor Oak demanded._

_" Uh, staying here until I find a place. Believe me, this is humilating. "_

_" Yeah... why are you wearing a t - shirt with flowers on it ? "_

_Giovanni gave a groan. " Desperation. "_

_Professor Oak smiled. " Yeah. Ash is a good boy, isn't he ? "_

_" T.T You have got to be kidding me. He sold me out to a starfish and a sponge thing yesterday. You call that good ? "_

_" I call it good enough. At least I give Ash something for his birthday every year, unlike a certain someone , " Professor Oak muttered._

_" What's that supposed to mean ?! "_

_" (coughs) (Lousy father.) "_

_" Let's not start this crap again, Professor ! I forgot the kid's birthday, all right ?! "_

_" Whatever. I have another thing that you don't - Delia's panties ! "_

_" That's it ! Forget about Stephen ! I'm kicking your ass first, Oaky ! "_

_" YAY ! Dad's defending his thing with Mom again ! "_

_" SHUT UP, ASH ! " Giovanni growled._

_" NEVER ! " Ash shouted back_


	11. Professor Oak vs DBag

Chapter 11 : Professor Oak vs. Douchebag (Ash's Dad)

* * *

_Yeah. I kinda took time updating because I forgot to post it. And somehow, it later got fluffy. But, at least I got it done. .

* * *

_

It was early the next morning in Pallet Town. Everyone was having a great time eating breakfast.

Except Giovanni, who was unweeding the meadow.

" This is what I get for asking my vengeful ex - wife to take me in, " he muttered.

Ash gave a broad grin. " At least you're now with us, in a normal neighborhood. "

" Ash, I keep telling you. _Nothing_ is normal around where you live. "

" Yeah, and I like it that way, Dad. "

" You only like it because you saw me getting raped by those two idiots last night ! " Giovanni hissed.

Ash shrugged. " That's not my problem, though. "

_grr..._

Just then, an old man of fifty - four wearing a white labcoat came toward the two. He was Professor Oak, the lovable professor of Kanto. He smiled at Ash. " Hi, Ash ! "

" Yo, Professor ! " Ash called back.

Giovanni gave a moan. " You mean you're still friends with this guy and his family ? "

Professor Oak glared at Giovanni. " Hi. "

" Hi, Professor Oak, " Giovanni crisply replied, also glaring.

" What the hell are you doing here ? " Professor Oak demanded.

" Uh, staying here until I find a place. Believe me, this is humilating. "

" Yeah... why are you wearing a t - shirt with flowers on it ? "

Giovanni gave a groan. " Desperation. "

Professor Oak smiled. " Yeah. Ash is a good boy, isn't he ? "

" T.T You have _got_ to be kidding me. He sold me out to a starfish and a sponge thing yesterday. You call that _good_ ? "

" I call it good enough. At least I give Ash something for his birthday every year, unlike a certain someone , " Professor Oak muttered.

" What's that supposed to mean ?! "

" (coughs) (Lousy father.) "

" Let's not start this crap again, Professor ! I _forgot _the kid's birthday, all right ?! "

" Whatever. I have another thing that you don't - Delia's panties ! "

" That's it ! Forget about Stephen ! I'm kicking your ass first, Oaky ! "

" _YAY !_ Dad's defending his thing with Mom again ! "

_**" SHUT UP, ASH !**_ " Giovanni growled.

" NEVER ! " Ash shouted back.

Professor Oak grabbed his labcoat and threw it on the ground. " This is going to be so sweet. Now Ash, watch how I will kick your dad's ass ! "

" Like you're going to, " Giovanni hissed, tackling Professor Oak.

Ash suddenly had a flashback. About their constant rivalry .

* * *

(Easter ; 1992 - nine years ago.)

Ash and Gary stood on their knees as Stephen and Giovanni started to tackle each other. Ash groaned. " Not this again ! Dad, can't you be cool for once and not tackle Gary's dad ? "

Gary shook his head. " I don't think your dad or my dad is going to listen to either of us, Ash. "

Suddenly, Professor Oak joined in the fight. The two four year olds sweatdropped. Ash scratched his head. " Why do I have this feeling I need a therapist when I'm older ? " he asked himself.

Gary started banging his head on the wall. " Why do I feel that ten years ago, Grandpa and your dad are going to fighting over something ? "

" Because it's probably going to happen, " Ash moaned.

* * *

Ash sweatdropped. " And Gary's prophecy is fulfilled. " He walked over the bridge. "** MOOOOM ! **Things are getting PG - 13 up in here ! "

Delia managed to scramble out of the house with a broom. " Yeah, Ash ? What's happening ? "

" Uh, Dad and Professor Oak are having one of their rivalry fights again. That's what, " Ash said, pointing.

" Sweetie, don't point. I'll handle this, " Delia replied , walking over to the scene.

_BROOM ! BROOM ! WHACK ! WHACK !_

_**" I TOLD YOU TWO NOT TO HAVE YOUR DAMNED FIGHTS IN PALLET TOWN !**_ " Delia roared, hitting both men with her broomstick.

* * *

" Do either of you need an icepack ? " Delia asked.

Professor Oak and Giovanni continued to glare at each other on the couch , but with bruises and a fat lump on both of their heads, courtesy of Delia's broom hitting. Ash sweatdroppped. " It looks like a no, Mom. "

" Okay, then. "

Suddenly, breaking news flashed on the television. _" TEAM ROCKET HEADQUARTERS WAS BURNED DOWN JUST NOW BY A SPONGE THINGIE ! "_

Ash turned white and quickly ran up to his room. Professor Oak sweatdropped, yet did an anime pose out of happiness.

And Giovanni...

_**" I'M GOING TO KILL THAT SPONGE THING ! ALL MY WORK IS RUINED, AND IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF HIM ! "**_ Giovanni shouted.

Professor Oak scratched his head. " It's going to turn into a vendetta, isn't it, Giovanni ? "

" Damn straight. "

Professor Oak rolled his eyes. " Okay, then. I'll fight you some other time then, Ketchum. You have bigger problems. "

The confused professor slowly left Ash's house. And something that should be illegal in every single country happened. The douchebag started to cry in one of the pillows.

Ash quietly peeked through his bedroom door and sweatdropped. " This proves it. My dad is insane. "

Delia threw a blanket over him, along with a Persian plushie . Ash sighed harder. " And sadly, my mom is not insane. She's just doing this because she's on her period. "

* * *

Delia sat in a chair and turned on the television. As I Love Lucy blared out from the screens, she looked at Giovanni, who was passed out under the blankets and hugging the plushie. She rolled her eyes. " You are the most pathetic douchebag I have ever met. Yet, it's funny. This sponge thingie - Spongebob - burns down your house and your job, " Delia said to him as he was snoring. " I think this isn't a coincidence. Or, maybe it is. The point is that I have a bad feeling that you're going to do something very bad. "

" Nudddddddddddddgeeeee. "

Delia kissed the douchebag on the head and sat next to him. " Yeah. I really don't care what you do anymore. That thing accomplished more than what I had ever hoped for. "

" 87. Cool Whip. Is it my turn to audition yet ? " Giovanni asked in his sleep.

Delia rolled her eyes as she picked up the blanket and went underneath the covers, snuggling next to him. " Nope. Just your ex - wife sitting next to you for the first time in nine years while you're babbling on in your sleep. It's normal. "

" Okay. I'm an Kantonian Idiot. And I have to get this job by noon. I have a vendetta by a weirdo sponge thingie. "

" Whatever. You just keep thinking that. Just make sure you don't snore, Red, " Delia said, going even more in the blankets and taking off her slippers, turning off the light.

End 

* * *

_Like I said. Fluffy. Though, it gets funnier next chapter.

* * *

_

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Let's talk business, Mr. Uni - huh ? "_

_Giovanni looked confused as he got up the next day . " Whoa. I need to stop doing this. "_

_Suddenly, he spotted a head of auburn and turned white. Delia was still sleeping - right next to him. " Oh, f--- . I didn't. "_

_Soft snoring was heard. Giovanni spotted a pair of slippers thrown lazily. " Ohhh... no. I did not. "_

_" Dad ? Why is Mom sleeping right to you ? " Ash asked groggily._

_" I SWEAR TO BOB IT WAS AN ACCIDENT ! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO HER ! " Giovanni quickly replied._

_" YOU DID IT WITH MOM ?! HOW COULD YOU ?! " Ash hissed._

_" I must have been asleep. I did not know ! "_

_Delia opened one eye and softly looked at Ash and Giovanni. " Hi, Douchebag. Hi , Ash. Lovely day , isn't it ? I haven't slept on that couch for ages. " She gave a yawn and got up from the couch. " I'm going to back to bed for a couple more hours. Oh, and Giovanni ? "_

_" Yeah ? " Giovanni replied._

_" I don't think you won that Cool Whip audition. And it felt good sleeping next to you. "_

_Delia left and went upstairs. Giovanni sweatdropped. Ash sighed. " Yes ! "_

_" This means nothing. Your mother must have been too lazy to go upstairs and sleep in bed ! "_

_" No way, Dad ! She just made a flirting move on you ! "_

_" No she didn't, Red ! "_

_Ash gave a broad grin. " Then why do you have her scent on you ? "_

_Giovanni sniffed himself and paled. He glared at Ash. " I don't know. I have to plan out this vendetta now. "_

_He left, and Ash made an anime pose. " Yesss... "  
_


	12. Starting A Vendetta with the Sponge

Chapter 12 : Starting A Vendetta with the Sponge Thingie

* * *

_Updated. Finally. Things get ... serious ?! Yeah... enjoy. _

It was around nine o' clock in Pallet Town. Things were peaceful that morning... until Giovanni woke up.

" Let's talk business, Mr. Uni - huh ? "

Giovanni looked confused as he got up the next day . " Whoa. I need to stop doing this. "

Suddenly, he spotted a head of auburn and turned white. Delia was still sleeping - right next to him. " Oh, f-- . I didn't. "

Soft snoring was heard. Giovanni spotted a pair of slippers thrown lazily. " Ohhh... no. I didn't. "

" Dad ? Why is Mom sleeping right to you ? " Ash asked groggily.

_" I SWEAR TO BOB IT WAS AN ACCIDENT ! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO HER !_ " Giovanni quickly replied.

"_ YOU DID IT WITH MOM ?! HOW COULD YOU ?!_ " Ash hissed.

" I must have been asleep. I did not know ! "

Delia opened one eye and softly looked at Ash and Giovanni. " Hi, Douchebag. Hi , Ash. Lovely day , isn't it ? I haven't slept on that couch for ages. " She gave a yawn and got up from the couch. " I'm going to back to bed for a couple more hours. Oh, and Giovanni ? "

" Yeah ? " Giovanni replied.

" I don't think you won that Cool Whip audition. And it felt good sleeping next to you. "

Delia left and went upstairs. Giovanni sweatdropped. Ash sighed. " Yes ! "

" This means nothing. Your mother must have been too lazy to go upstairs and sleep in bed ! "

" No way, Dad ! She just made a flirting move on you ! "

" No she didn't, Red ! "

Ash gave a broad grin. " Then why do you have her scent on you ? "

Giovanni sniffed himself and paled. He glared at Ash. " I don't know. I have to plan out this vendetta now. "

He left, and Ash made an anime pose. " _Yesss..._ "

* * *

Giovanni was sitting in the kitchen, writing his plans down in a spiral notebook.

1. Need to find a new place to operate headquarters in.  
2. Have vendetta on sponge thingie.

3. Get back at retarded son for letting that sponge thing ruin my life.

4. Try to set up date with ex - wife.

_(" Wait. How the hell did that last one pop up ? " )_

The man shut the notebook quickly just as Ash came inside the kitchen and started to drink out of the milk carton. " Uh, hi Dad ! "

" ... hi, Ash. "

" What you writing in that notebook ? "

Giovanni threw the book under his chair. " World domination schemes. Nothing you need to see. "

" Do you mean you have issues of Pokemon Playpal in that notebook of yours, then ? "

" Got damn it, Ash ! I am _not_ a pervert ! "

" Then... can I see ? "

" NO ! "

_- GRABBIE ! -_

Ash grabbed the notebook and started to skim it. He put on a confused look. " Wow, Dad. I did not know you had poetry in here ! "

" I do ? "

" Yeah. This one's a

* * *

bout some girl who lived in Pallet. "

Giovanni furrowed his brow. " Let me see that. "

Ash handed the notebook to him. The douchebag started to read it and then paled. " Uh... yeah. I must have written this when I was bored at one of those evil world domination meetings. "

" Are you sure about that, Dad ? It sounds that you put some real effort in this poem, unlike Professor Oak. "

" ... Uh - uh - uh - I have some work to do ! Vendettas don't start themselves, Red , and I have to do some other work to do ! "

With that, Giovanni rushed out of the kitchen and out of the house. Ash scratched his head. " Wow. Dad forgot his notebook. "

* * *

" Damn it, that was a close one, " Giovanni muttered to himself. " If the kid found out that the poem was written for Delia, he would have never left me alone ! Why did I put it in the notebook, anyway ? And... oh... crap. I left the notebook with my idiot son !! "

He gave a loud moan as he was already in Pewter City. " Great. And I still have to look for that damn sponge. "

* * *

- _DING DONG ! -_

" Cool. Wonder who it is, " Delia said, opening the door.

It was Spongebob. " HIYA ! How ya doing ? "

" Uh, I'm fine. I think my ex - husband is suicidal, though, ever since you blew up his job. He wants to start a vendetta with you. Oh, and he's been griping a lot about some sort of crap. And he got embarrassed earlier over something. And you ? "

" GOOD ! Uh, I got some fudgies for you. Want some ? "

Delia nodded as she took a fudgie from Spongebob. She took a bite out of it, and immediately dropped down to the floor. The sponge put Delia inside a cloth bag. " Yeah ! Finally got her ! "

Spongebob placed a note on the table and dragged Delia off to the unknown.

* * *

Ash walked inside the house and spotted a note on the table.

_- To whom it may concern,_

_We have the woman. If you want her back, you have to find her. Our fellow sponge has already placed a warning out, so no funny stuff. We'll be at Veilstone City if you want us._

_Team Galactic -_

- twitch. twitch - twitch. -

"_** THAT F--ING BASTARD ! THAT SPONGE THINGIE IS SOOOO GOING TO GET HIS ASS KICKED !**_ " Ash exclaimed.

* * *

Giovanni stepped inside after a long unsuccessful search for the sponge. He sighed and walked into the kitchen , where Ash had a box of tissues. " Uh, Ash ? Where's your mother ? "

" Kidnapped. "

" Oka - wait a minute. Did you just say kidnapped ? "

Ash nodded. " Yeah. Uh, while you were moping, Spongebob took her and carried her off somewhere in Veilstone City, says the note. "

" Well , why don't you get your ass outside and get her back ?! "

" Why don't _you _?! I have dinner to make ! " Ash hissed.

" Hey, I am not a hero , okay ? I have more things to attend to than saving naive sluts like your mother ! "

Ash glared at Giovanni. " You know what, Dad ? Shut the -- up ! My mom is not a freaking slut, and if you had half the brain that I do, you'd probably know that ! No wonder she divorced you. You're not the same. "

The boy quickly ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. Giovanni grabbed a plate and smashed it. " _AT LEAST I'M NOT A GOTDAMN RETARD THAT PISSES IN HIS BED ALL THE TIME !_ "

" My dad is such a bitch , " Ash murmured to himself. " I have no idea why Mom married the guy in the first place. He's the leader of Team Rocket. He's freaking angry all the time. He doesn't even like Professor Oak ! - sobs - How could she take him in like that ?! "

Ash punched his pillow and looked at a framed photograph...

* * *

(Ash's POV)

_What the hell am I saying ? Mom and Dad were happy long ago. They loved each other... once. I remember when Dad was less uptight. He taught me the alphabet, and pushed me to learn to ride a bicycle... even though I had a lot of nasty cuts from it. _

_I remember when he gave a big laugh... it was a lot like mine is today. _

_But if he doesn't want to save Mom from those dumb Galactics, I'm going to have to do it myself. Tomorrow. It's one o ' clock in the morning after all. And no douchebag is going to stop me._

* * *

Ash turned off the light and stood in bed for tomorrow to come. Pretty soon, he fell asleep.

* * *

Meanwhile, Giovanni crept upstairs into Ash's room and looked at the passed out teenager. " Why the hell do you have to be so annoying all the time ? It's like you're my freaking outer conscience or something along the sorts. "

He gave a sigh and slumped down on the chair that was nearby the bed.

* * *

(Giovanni's POV)

_Great. Somehow , kid, you're breaking in my conscience. Damn it. _

_You're absolutely right, though. Your mother isn't a slut. She was the best thing that had happened to me since the visual phone was invented back in ' 82. And... I guess I apologize for calling you a bed - wetter. People say bad things all the time... which , for me, is pretty much every day. _

_You remind me a lot of your mother... crap. What should I do ? I guess I should help you, Red. But know this, I hate my conscience a lot. And I'm glad you're asleep, or I would never live my live out._

* * *

The next day, Ash woke up around five in the morning. He went into the kitchen , and saw Giovanni in an apron fixing waffles. " Dad ? Have you been drinking ? Or on meth ? Pot ? "

" Oh. Hi, Ash. I've been up for an hour now. "

" Yeah... why the hell are you in an apron ? "

" Making waffles. Go ahead and eat... just don't drink out of the milk carton. "

Ash nodded as he put some waffles on the plate, confused and sat down on the table. " Dad ? Why the hell are you in an apron making waffles at five in the morning ? Are you sick or something ? Or are you trying to poison me with bug spray because you're still pissed off at me about yesterday ? "

" Uh... no. For once, I'm going to help you out. "

" You're going to kill Paul ? "

" -.- No. I'm going to help you out with saving your mother. "

" Did anybody bribe you ? "

Giovanni glared at Ash. " No. "

" Death threats ? "

" _No... "_

" Brainwashing tactics ? "

" As_h... _"

" Oh, I see ! The desperate attempt for full - time custody ! "

_**" RED ! "**_

Ash looked up and rolled his eyes. " Whatever. So... why are you doing this ? "

" Damn conscience is bugging me to do that, and another thing. "

" Go to rehab for your constant shouting ? "

" I wish. "

The evil douchebag gave Ash a long hug. The boy threw up on the floor. " Uh, Dad ? "

" Yeah, Ash ? "

" If you _ever_ do that again, I will throw up on you. "

" Same here. Now, eat your waffles and let's kick some ass. "

" Okay. "

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview) _

_Giovanni knocked on the bathroom door. " Okay, Ash. Are we about ready ? " _

_" No, Dad. I'm still peeing. " _

_" D - it's been ten minutes ! How does any normal person pee for ten straight minutes ? " _

_" I have a sensitive bladder. " _

_" T.T You've been drinking coffee, haven't you ? " _

_" Yeah. " _

_" Well, hurry up ! Team Galactic is not going to get their asses kicked by themselves ! " _

_Ash sighed as he walked out of the bathroom. " Fine. We have all the supplies needed to break into their headquarters ? " _

_" Knife, toilet paper, explosive bomb, fireworks. Yeah, we're ready. " _

_" Good. Let's go, then, Dad ! " _

_" Hold on. I need to make my pit stop , first, " Giovanni said with a nervous chuckle, quickly running to the bathroom and slamming the door. _

_- facefault -_


	13. The Beginning of the Lady Saving Journey

Chapter 13 : The Beginning of the Weird Lady - Saving Journey... and the Wetting of the Seat

_A lot of funny things happen. Let's just keep it at that._

* * *

A few hours later, the two were finishing getting ready in order to start their journey to save Delia.

Giovanni knocked on the bathroom door. " Okay, Ash. Are we about ready ? "

" No, Dad. I'm still peeing. "

" D - it's been ten minutes ! How does _any_ normal person pee for ten straight minutes ? "

" I have a sensitive bladder. "

" T.T You've been drinking coffee, haven't you ? "

" Yeah. "

" Well, hurry up ! Team Galactic is not going to get their asses kicked by themselves ! "

Ash sighed as he walked out of the bathroom. " Fine. We have all the supplies needed to break into their headquarters ? "

" Knife, toilet paper, explosive bomb, fireworks. Yeah, we're ready. "

" Good. Let's go, then, Dad ! "

" Hold on. I need to make my pit stop , first, " Giovanni said with a nervous chuckle, quickly running to the bathroom and slamming the door.

_- facefault -_

* * *

Ash and Giovanni got in the car. The douchebag took out a pokeball and a bald Persian waddled in the back seat. Ash sweatdropped. " Wow. I was wondering where Persian was. "

" Yeah... and where is that bloody rat you call a Pikachu ? "

" Uh... good question. "

Ash got out of the car and pulled out a whistle. " _SUUUKIIIE !! SUUUKIIIE ! COME ON, PIKACHU ! SUUUKIIIE ! **SUUUUUUKIIIIIE !** " _

Pikachu popped out of nowhere and hopped on Ash's shoulder. He grinned, and Giovanni groaned. " I shouldn't have asked... anyway, can you two get in the car already ? "

Ash nodded. He got in the car, but just as they were about to go , Gary, Carid, Misty, Domino, and Tracey stood in front of the red car. Giovanni sputtered some curses. Ash sweatdropped. " Hi, guys... where's Brock ? "

Gary rolled his eyes. " Oh, he's getting chased by his pokemon. Nothing new with him. "

Misty pounded the car. " Anyway, what are you doing ? "

" I have one more question, " Ash said, ignoring Misty. " What the hell is Blondie doing with you guys ? "

Carid looked at Domino, and then stared back at Ash. " Oh, Domino ? Well, she says she's out of a headquarters, but we're hanging out with her because she broke up with her wimpy boyfriend. " She leaned closer , towards the window. " She looks like she's having a flirting thing with Tracey. "

Tracey fixed his bandana. " And she's only a year younger than me ! Isn't that awesome ! "

" Uh, whatever happened to Daisy ? " Gary asked.

Tracey scratched his head nervously. " Well... "

_(Flashback - one month ago...) _

_" Hi, Daisy ! I got flowers for y- " _

_Tracey looked at Daisy, who was with Drake of the Orange Crew. He immediately walked back out, bawling his eyes out._

* * *

" So... she's with Drake, now ? " Ash inquired.

Tracey gave a shrug. " Yep. I found out the hard way. "

Everyone sighed uncomfortably. Giovanni glared at the group of kids and pinched his temple. " You kids really drive me nuts. Are you going to gab like weirdos all day or are you going to let me get my freaking car running ? "

Ash hit his dad's shoulder. " Can my friends come with us ? "

" No. It's bad enough I have to bring you, because you're my son. I'm not bringing five more kids with us. "

" Come on, Dad ! Your car has like, six seats in the back ! "

" No, Ash ! The answer is NO ! "

" COME _ONNNNN ! "_

_**" NO !! "**_

" Fine ! You're screwed on your successor then ! " Ash screeched.

-angry glare- " Fine. Your friends have five seconds to get in the car before I shoot them. "

" YAY ! "

The five kids scrambled into the back seat quickly. Ash gave a broad grin and a thumbs up. Giovanni silently cursed to himself. " I am _soooo_ not having another kid ever again. "

* * *

It was a tense sight in the car. Domino and Tracey were making out. (grr. How the hell did Tracey ever get with Domino is above my understanding. (coughs) maybe she wants money from him.) Carid and Misty were listening with earphones music on the iPod.

And Ash and Gary... well, let's just say they were annoying the living s-- out of Giovanni.

" Are we there yet, Dad ? "

" For the fifteenth time, Ash - NO! We're barely in Pewter City ! "

Gary snickered. " Uh, this is the seventeenth time Ash has asked you that. "

_**" DON'T F--ING REMIND ME , OAK BOY ! "**_

Ash gave a glare. " He has a name, you know, Dad. It's Gary. G - A - R - Y. And can we pick up Brock ? "

" You mean that squinty eyed kid, right ? With the ten siblings ? "

" Actually, it's thirteen now. Brock's mom had triplets last year. "

" Absolutely not. I'm getting too ticked off for another kid in this car. "

Ash sulked. " Fine. "

Gary kicked Ash's seat. " Hey, Ketchum. You wouldn't happen to have any gummy Ursaring, would you ? "

" Nope. I'm totally out. Hey, Dad ? "

" Whatever it is, you can wait. "

Ash made a gesture to his pants. " But I need to use the bathroom ! "

Giovanni glared at Ash. " You can wait. "

" But , _Daaaad !_ I need to _gooooo ! "_

Gary nodded. " Yeah, Mr. Ketchum. Can't you at least let Ash pee in a bush ? He's got a sensitive bladder ! "

_**" BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE F-- UP RIGHT NOW OR I SWEAR TO BOB I WILL CRASH THIS CAR IN THE TREE AND SAY SCREW THE GOTDAMN TRIP TO SINNOH ! "**_

Ash and Gary meekly shut their traps right away. Carid rolled her eyes and punched Gary in the arm. And Misty kicked Ash's seat... hard.

* * *

(Ten minutes later... )

Domino grabbed a can of perfume from her purse and started to spray it in the car. Gary's nose twitched. " Hey, Blondie ? Can you not spray that crap in the car ? "

The blonde haired girl kicked Gary. " Well, I don't know about you, but something smells like piss in here. "

Gary sniffed the air. " Hey, it does smell like piss. Misty, I didn't know your town smelled like piss. "

Misty punched Gary's arm. " It does not ! It smells like it's in the car somewhere. "

All five kids glared at Ash - hard. He glared back at them. " What the hell are you looking at me for ? "

Giovanni gestured at Ash's pants. " Check your pants, Red. "

" But I di- "

" NOW ! "

Ash looked at his pants and nervously chuckled. " Yeah... that was me. I also kind of got some on the seat... "

The car went into an abrupt halt. Giovanni glared at Ash. " Get the hell out of my car and use the bathroom. "

" But, Dad ! I don't _need_ to go anymore. "

-grrrrrrrr!!-

Gary got out and shoved Ash. " Uh, Ashy ? Maybe it's best for you to just shut up and use the bathroom already. "

" Hey Oaky ! I said I don't need to use the bathroom anymore ! "

- shovie ! -

_" DON'T YOU DARE DISRESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, OAKY ! "_

Ash shoved Gary to the ground. As usual, the two boys were trying to kill each other again. Tracey and Domino sweatdropped. Misty moaned and muttered a month's worth of curses. Carid nudged her. " Don't worry, Misty. I'll take of your boyfriend and his retarded friend. It's just like when Floyd got drunk on the punch. "

She released a Mareep. " Okay, Mareep. Thunderbolt ! "

Mareep did a thunderbolt. Gary was majorly fried, but Ash was still going at him. Carid slapped her forehead. " Damn it ! I forgot that Ash has picked up an immunity against electric attacks. Okay, plan B. Gooooo, Glaceon ! "

Glaceon popped out of another pokeball. It made a small nod at Carid, and then started to use ice beam on Ash. He screamed out of extreme pain, and the brown haired girl made a thumbs up at Misty. " It's done. "

Ash glared at Carid. " I don't care if you are my cousin. I'm not going to forget about this, Carid. "

" Do what you want, verzogerung. I'm glad on what I did. "

Ash rolled his eyes as he reluctantly went to use the bathroom. Giovanni looked at the seat where he had been sitting and groaned. " Okay. Does anyone know how to get this stuff off my seat ? "

Carid raised a hand. " Yes, Uncle Red. Glaceo - "

" _Without_ ice beaming the fabric, Carid. "

She shrugged. " I got nothing, then. I knew I should have brought that one book on cleaning utensils. "

Gary stifled a laugh. " What a nerd. "

**MACE !**

Everyone stepped away from Carid except for Misty, who grinned. " Way to go, Carid ! Pwn that jerk ! Okay, but seriously. I have an idea. I have bleach, and water pokemon. We can rinse the pee off the seat, and clean it. "

Tracey, who had finally stopped acting like a douche, scratched his head. " What do we do about Ash, though ? "

Domino gave an evil chuckle. " I have an idea..."

* * *

_" THIS IS INHUMANE ! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME !_ " Ash screeched.

He was tied up and was laying down on the floor of the car. " Uh, Dad ? Can't you help me out ? "

" Hell no. Not after you pissed on my seat, " Giovanni replied without looking back.

As the car was driving, everyone ignored Ash's yelps and pleas, especially Gary, who kept kicking him. XD

End

_And, as usual, our group is heading towards Sinnoh. What will happen next ? Let's find out in a preview !_

_(Next chapter preview : ) _

_" Hey, Dad ? Why are we going through this dirty old path when we can just board the ferry to Sinnoh ? " Ash asked. _

_" Uh, you just got your seating privileges reinstated. Can't you shut up for at least an hour ? " _

_" Yeah, Ketchum ! " Gary added. " Shut the f-- up already ! " _

_Everyone else nodded. Ash did the Annoying Signal. " Whatever. So, can you answer my question, Dad ? " _

_Giovanni sighed. " If you keep acting annoying like that. Well, let's start by the fact that I'm taking my car... and that I get seasick when aboard a ship. Besides, I'm banned on all major ferries until further notice. " _

_Carid scratched her head. " Uh, why, Uncle Red ? " _

_" There was a thing with Tentacool. " _

_" Oh, so you went to a beach and was fishing ? " _

_" Nope. Just Tentacool. Don't ask... " _

_O.o " Yeah... " _

_" Any other questions ? " _

_Ash raised a hand. " Yeah, I have a question. Why do you act like such a douchebag all the time, Dad ? " _

_" It's none of your gotdamn business, Red, and you already know that ! " Giovanni hissed. _

_" See ! This is what I mean ! " _

_" Shut...the...f--... UP ! "_

* * *


	14. Path of Doom

Chapter 14 : Path of Doom (and to Sinnoh)

_This was probably my shortest chapter so far. (Lack of inspiration) But, don't worry ! As we reveal a new villian !_

Last time, our so called " heroes " were driving towards Sinnoh. After a long tiring trip (and Ash wetting the front seat), they had finally gone up north of Cerulean City onto a dirt path that was the home of kleptomaniac Rattata and Furret. And Ash, unfortunately for everyone else, was untied and back at his old seat (with a stack of newspapers under him, of course).

" Hey, Dad ? Why are we going through this dirty old path when we can just board the ferry to Sinnoh ? " Ash asked.

" Uh, you just got your seating privileges reinstated. Can't you shut up for at least an hour ? "

" Yeah, Ketchum ! " Gary added. " Shut the f-- up already ! "

Everyone else nodded. Ash did the Annoying Signal. " Whatever. So, can you answer my question, Dad ? "

Giovanni sighed. " If you keep acting annoying like that. Well, let's start by the fact that I'm taking my car... and that I get seasick when aboard a ship. Besides, I'm banned on all major ferries until further notice. "

Carid scratched her head. " Uh, why, Uncle Red ? "

" There was a thing with Tentacool. "

" Oh, so you went to a beach and was fishing ? "

" Nope. Just Tentacool. Don't ask... "

O.o " Yeah... "

" Any other questions ? "

Ash raised a hand. " Yeah, I have a question. Why do you act like such a douchebag all the time, Dad ? "

" It's none of your gotdamn business, Red, and you already know that ! " Giovanni hissed.

" See ! This is what I mean ! "

" Shut...the...f--... UP ! "

_" I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLDDD ! LIFE IN PLASTIC - IT'S FANTASTIC ! YOU CAN BRUSH MY HAIR, CHANGE MY UNDERWEAR ! PERVERTATION - THAT IS YOUR CREAT - oof ! "_

_**" I TOLD YOU TO SHUT THE F-- UP, SATOSHI ! "**_

_**" AND I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT IN PUBLIC, DAD ! "**_

As Giovanni let go of the steering wheel, the car crashed into a tree. The engine started to burn up. (And Ash got a major pummeling...but that's besides the point.)

* * *

" Wow. So let me repeat this, " Gary said. " Ash, this is all your f--ing fault. Now we have to walk like f--ing hippies. "

Ash glared at Gary. " Excuse me, Oaky, but I wasn't the one who got all criminal and lost control of the car ! "

" Yeah, but you were the one who egged Uncle Red on, " Carid pointed out.

" Why do you have to remind me, Carid ? "

" Well, because it is your fault ! " Domino hissed.

" Since when do you have a voice in my opinion, Blondie ?! " Ash demanded.

" Since she became f--ing hot, Ash ! " Tracey countered.

Giovanni groaned. " Okay. Yes, it is Ash's fault, but can you kids argue about this when we don't have to walk ? "

" Sure, Mr. K ! " Gary replied.

-grrr...- " Can you quit calling me that, Gary ? Before I hurt you ? "

" I quit for _no one_. "

" Even for a guy that has a gun in his pocket ? "

O.o " Uh... on second thought, I'll quit. "

" Good. (mutters) (At least you're a little more intelligent than Stephen.) "

" Huh ? "

" Uhhh...nothing. "

Gary slowly sweatdropped. He pushed Ash into a tree. " Okay, then, " he said. " Back to business. Have I mentioned that it's _ALL YOUR FAULT, KETCHUM ?! "_

Misty rolled her eyes. " Yeah, we _know_ that's it Ash's fault already. We do not need to hear it forty times ! And... does anyone know what we are going to do for food ?! "

-blank stare from everyone-

" So...in other words, we're gonna die, aren't we ? "

-several nods-

Domino rolled her eyes. " I have some granola bars. "

Misty peered in Domino's bag and sighed angrily. " Those are _expired_, Blondie. "

" Oh. Right. "

Suddenly a Rattata attacked Giovanni. He kicked it, and ten more appeared, growling at him. " Great. More enemies. "

" Dad ? "

" T.T What is it now, Ash ? "

" Um, do you have any idea why a twenty foot Raticate standing right in front of you ? "

" _**MOTHERF-"**_

**PUNCH !**

Giovanni blasted off into the sky. All the kids sweatdropped. Ash groaned. Gary rolled his eyes. " It's going to be a _looong_ trip. "

* * *

(Ten Days Later...)

Domino gave a loud yawn. " So... where are we at now ? "

Carid took out a torn-up map. " Good. After eighteen hours nonstop walking for ten days, we finally reached -yaaawn- Sandgem Town. "

" Can we eat real food now instead of grass and charred Starly on a stick ? " Ash inquired.

" Is food all you can think of, Ketchum ?! " Gary demanded. " All of us are exhausted, and for the past hour we had to drag your dad via rope because he passed out ! "

Tracey scratched his head. " I can make tof- "

_**" NO TOFU ! "**_

Misty put a hand to her forehead. " Will you stop shouting, Oak ? We need a Pokemon Center, and fast ! "

Out of nowhere, a guy shows up, about eleven or twelve, with a dorky red beret. " Hi ! I'm Lucas ! Welcome to Sandgem Town ! "

Ash snapped a finger. " Hi, Lucas ! Aren't you one of Rowan's assistants ? "

" Yeah ! Why don't we all go to Burger King ? "

" Sure ! "

Lucas skipped merrily. The six kids followed him. As they did, Lucas snickered and took out a gun. " Okay, say bye bye ! "

Ash smiled. " Bye - bye ! "

A bunch of Team Galactic grunts suddenly binded everyone except Lucas. Ash wiggled crazily. " You set us up ! _YOU SET US UUUUUUUP ! "_

" Hey ! _Never_ trust a guy based on the games ! "

" Yeah, didn't you learn that with Brendan, Ash ? "

_**" SHUT UP, SKETCHIT ! "**_

Commander Saturn wiggled a finger. " You guys are too troublesome, so we are going to take you in as our prisoners ! "

Ash waved a hand as he started to listen to his mp3. " Prisoner of Love! I'm a prisoner of _loooovveee ! "_

_**SMACK !**_

**_" QUIT SINGING THAT SONG FROM UTADU HIKARU ! YOU MAKE IT INTO TORTURE , KETCHUM !"_**

_**" SHUT THE F-- UP, OAKY ! "**_

**_" WHY DON'T BOTH OF YOU SHUT THE F-- UP ?! "_** Commander Saturn roared, hitting both boys in the head with a baton thingie.

The commander put on a gas mask, along with all the other Galactic grunts. As he sprayed the evil sleeping gas, all the kids passed out, not certain of what they would do next...

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" So... I fall asleep for two friggin hours, and we end up getting captured by the Galactics ? " Giovanni asked._

_" Yep, " Gary replied. " And, once again, I'd like to point out again that it's all Ash's fault. "_

_" Hey ! How was I supposed to know that Lucas was evil ? "_

_" Dude, you never ever trust a guy based on the games ! " Tracey hissed._

_" Yeah, Ash ! " Misty exclaimed. " It's called common sense ! "_

_" I don't need to hear your insults ! I wonder what's on TV. "_

_Ash grabbed the remote and turned on the small television that sat on the floor of the cage. Everyone else facefaulted as Ash turned it to a channel. " Cool ! Professional wrestling ! That's the best sport ! "_

_" Um, Ash ? " Carid butted in. " It's not a real sport. It's staged. "_

_" Yeah, it's fake, " Domino added._

_" SHUT UP ! It's the best sport ! "_

_" It's fake, Ashy. "_

_" No it isn't, Gary ! "_

_Gary kicked the TV. " Fine. Be a retard. Either way, you still wouldn't be able to help us escape because you don't even know what nine times nine is ! "_

_" I know ! It's 72 ! "_

_-.- " My point exactly. IT'S 81 ! "_

_" Oh."_

_Misty groaned. " We're doomed. "  
_

* * *


	15. In the Cage

Chapter 15 : In the Cage

* * *

_Much better , this chapter. (At least, in my opinion.) _

(Ash's POV)

_-drip drip drip-_

_A drop of water comes down my nose. At least, I think it's water. It might be some snot - I've been stuffed up for the past few days because Dad forgot medical expenses. What a douche._

_Let's see. I'm looking around. We're in some metal bar thingie... what's the word ? Oh, yeah. Cage ! That Lucas guy ratted me out. Dumb dorky-beret wearing bastard. Still, at least he was better than Brendan._

* * *

(Flashback : one and a half years ago - Hoenn)

_SOCK BEAT !_

_**" I'M TELLING YOU ! I HATE MAY ! SHE'S SUCH A BITCH ! "**_ Ash screamed.

Brendan kicked Ash where it hurts. " Liar ! " he hissed. " Why do you have pictures of her in your backpack , then ? "

Ash scratched his head. " I have no ide- _**DAMN YOU , SQUINTY ! "**_

He glared at Brock, who quickly ran off, leaving Ash to be tortured in chains by the evil white - haired menace (that was dating May at the time because Drew was in rehab.

* * *

(Still in Ash's POV)

_Whoa. Now that I think about it, what a JERK. Stealing May from Broccoli Head like that. Though, I'm still going to kick Brock's ass for framing me like that._

_Uh-oh. Oaky's getting up. I am so dead. (I'll make a noose, just in case Gary wants to pwn me)_

* * *

(Regular)

Gary woke up and glared at Ash. " Hey, Ketchum. Mind telling me why we are in a cage ? "

" Gee, Oaky. I don't know, " Ash replied.

-.- " You are s_oooo_ f--ing useless. You know that ? "

" Yeah. "

As everyone else got up, everyone glared at Ash (and Misty whacked him badly with her Mallet of Doom).

* * *

" So... I fall asleep for _two_ friggin hours, and we end up getting captured by the Galactics ? " Giovanni asked.

" Yep, " Gary replied. " And, once again, I'd like to point out again that it's all Ash's fault. "

" Hey ! How was_ I_ supposed to know that Lucas was evil ? "

" Dude, you _never_ _ever_ trust a guy based on the games ! " Tracey hissed.

" Yeah, Ash ! " Misty exclaimed. " It's _called_ common sense ! "

" I don't need to hear your insults ! I wonder what's on TV. "

Ash grabbed the remote and turned on the small television that sat on the floor of the cage. Everyone else facefaulted as Ash turned it to a channel. " Cool ! Professional wrestling ! That's the best sport ! "

" Um, Ash ? " Carid butted in. " It's not a real sport. It's staged. "

" Yeah, it's fake, " Domino added.

_" SHUT UP !_ It's the best sport ! "

" It's fake, Ashy. "

" No it isn't, Gary ! "

Gary kicked the TV. " Fine. Be a retard. Either way, you still wouldn't be able to help us escape because you don't even know what nine times nine is ! "

" I know ! It's 72 ! "

-.- " My point exactly. _**IT'S 81 ! "**_

" Oh."

Misty groaned. " We're doomed. "

Ash raised a hand. " Does that mean we're not getting any Burger King, then ? "

_**FACEFAULT x6 !**_

Suddenly, a red haired woman came in, sneering. She was Commander Mars. " So... I heard we had some prisoners...and a rat. Nice. "

Domino went stir- crazy and climbed on one of those metal bars. " Hey ! You sneak ! That's supposed to be_ my_ line ! "

Misty tapped her on the shoulder. " Uh, Domino ? I don't think you're in that position right now, especially when we're in a cage. "

" Right, right. Sorry. "

Ash scratched his head. " Hey, lady. Um, there was this dorky kid that promised us some Burger King. Yeah, I'd like four hamburgers, three Pepsies, two orders of French fries, and some onion rings. "

Commander Mars sweatdropped and rolled her eyes. " Are you this stupid _all_ the time , kid ? "

Giovanni nodded. " Yeah. I have the bite marks to prove it.

O.o " Yeah... I'm just going to leave and let Leader Cyrus deal with you guys. "

She left the group all staring at Giovanni. Tracey sweatdropped. " Uh, Mr. Ketchum ? You didn't _really_ mean it when you said you had bite marks from Ash, did you ? "

Giovanni glared at Tracey. " Well, _that's _a stupid question. Of _course_ he bit me ! It was when I was trying to use the hose on him. It still hurts, now that I think about it. I just hope he doesn't have rabies. "

Ash's jaw dropped. " I am mortally insulted ! I was just trying to defend myself ! "

" Yeah. I'm sure you were doing more than that when you hit my head with one of those damn bricks ! "

" Well... you hit me with your calculator ! So, there ! "

Giovanni sighed as he rolled his eyes. " Okay. This is so not getting us anywhere. And I'm tired of arguing with my idiot son. So... do we have any ideas of breaking out of here ? "

Gary raised his hand. " I say we use Ash as a log to break out. "

Everyone else muttered in agreement except Misty. She shook her head. " It wouldn't work. His brain would splatter everywhere. "

" I've got nothing, then, " Gary muttered.

Everyone else nodded. Ash turned a shade of red. " Hey, Dad ! Why don't you have any ideas ! _You're_ the one of us who's in a criminal organization ! "

" Yeah...the thing is, I've been in jail only once. And it wasn't for what I do right now..."

* * *

(Flashback : seventeen years ago...)

" Yeah... Sebastian. _**WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES ?! "**_

" Uh, they're somewhere, Gio. Over two streets...past the bridge...and eaten by a wild Eevee. "

_**" I'M GOING TO KIL- "**_

Suddenly, an Officer Jenny flashed a light at Giovanni and Sebastian. The two men both sweatdropped. Officer Jenny turned away. " Mental images, gross ! "

* * *

O.o " You were _nude,_ Uncle Red ? " Carid inquired, horrified.

" Um, let's just say we were on a dare...by a bottle...of beer..."

Domino lightly blushed. " Hmm...wonder if Tracey would do that... "

T.T " Don't even _attempt_ to think about it, " Tracey growled.

Giovanni groaned. " Let's change the subject. Did that weird lady really say Cyrus is going to pay us a visit ? "

" Duh, Mr. Ketchum, " Gary replied. " Why ? "

" Let's put it this way. We went to college together. "

" And that is bad because ?..." Ash asked.

" Well, I was born in Viridian. He was born in Sunyshore. I had money up my ass, even when I was a kid. He was middle-class. I often picked on nerdy kids. Cyrus was a nerd, always preferring the company of many, many metal objects. I cried like a girl. He cried like a whiny three year old. One day in college me and some of my friends shoved him in a dumpster. And...he hasn't forgotten about it, since. "

" Well, _that_ ought to bring our chances of survival up some, " Ash sarcastically said.

" Would you shut up already ?! I didn't think he would go all evil and become the leader of Team Galactic ! It was just a classic prank, like when I hit Gary's dad with a cream pie in '91. "

" Geez, Dad. You don't have to get all pissed off at me. "

Giovanni started to twitch. Misty rolled her eyes. " Yeah...so let's get back to how we are going to bust out of here. Does anybody have any ideas ? "

Domino raised her hand. " I have a couple of bombs in my purse as a suggestion. "

-.- " No bombs, or any sort of nuking. Do you want the cops to barge in here and arrest us ?! Next. "

Carid cleared her throat. " If we have an axe, we could chop the cage in half. But we don't have an axe. We _do _have a mallet, though... "

She shifted her eyes toward Misty, who gasped. " I can't use Mally on that awful metal ! It wouldn't work out ! "

" I thought you were the violent one, " Tracey said, snickering.

" I can use it on Tracey, though... "

_**MALLET !**_

Suddenly, the cage blasted into three thousand pieces. Misty glared at Domino. " I _thought_ I told you no bombs ! "

" It wasn't me, Mist. "

Two kids stood in the smoke of the bomb - a girl and a boy, the ages of eleven and twelve. The boy had purple hair down to his shoulders. He had black eyes that looked emo. He was wearing a dark blue collared t-shirt , gray khaki shorts, and blue tennis shoes.

As for the girl, she had dark blue hair with yellow clips holding it back. She had blue eyes that sparkled. She was wearing a white shirt with a black tank dress with pink that flared up at the bottom. She had pink sandals on, and beside her was a Piplup.

They were no other than Dawn Pearlson and Paul McEvile.

Ash's jaw dropped. " Whoa... Paul, what the hell are you, of all people ,here to save us ? "

Paul did his emo stare. " Yeah...to keep things short, that Cyrus guy is my pops. Reiji's too. And I hate him. "

" Oh. "

Paul then kissed Dawn on the cheek. Gary sweatdropped. " Hey, emo guy ? I thought Dawn was your sister. "

" No, I was just b.s.ing everyone when I said that. I got a good laugh from that. Dawn kicked my ass, though. "

Gary gave a shrug, and Misty shoved him to the side. " So...thanks, Dawn. You don't know how hard it is to tolerate Gary, Ash, and Ash's dad, all cramped up into one cage.

Carid nodded. " It's horrible, Dawn. "

" No need to worry, girls ! " Dawn replied. " We'll pwn those Galactic geeks before ya know it ! And...who is the blonde haired one ? "

" I'm Domino. I'm eighteen, five foot four, blood type O negative. My hobbies are throwing my math book at Mondo's head, beating up Pidgey, and painting my nails with Wendy. My likes are Dairy Queen, oranges, and Stantler. My dislikes are ice cubes, Neji Hyuga, and Oreburgh City. Oh, and I'm dating Tracey, but you don't really need to know that. "

O.o " Okay... all I needed to know was your name, not your autobiography. "

" Well, I have my autobiography in a book and on three cassettes. They're in my purse - wanna see ? "

_JAWDROP !_

Paul rolled his eyes. " Can you girls shut up ? If you want to escape and help whoever you want to help, then get a damn move on already ! "

Giovanni stood up. " I agree with the emo kid. Let's go...what way do we go again ? "

Dawn scratched her head nervously. " I don't know..."

Paul twitched. " _**WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON'T KNOW ?!**_ I _**told**_ you to get the layout of this building _**before**_ we came ! "

" Well, I_ suck_ at computers, all right ? "

Paul groaned. " Okay, then. We'll just have to use our judgement. "

Tracey looked at Ash. " Uh, Paul ? Just for the record, Ash has no judgement. He sucks at it, just like cooking. "

" You make a good point, Sketchit. "

Ash punched Paul in the arm. " Hey ! At least I'm not the one who is emo ! "

-.- " Shut up, Ketchum. Not funny. "

Ash shrugged. The eight kids (plus Giovanni) went out of the room , continuing their search of Ash's mom.

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Wow ! I think we finally found the door ! " Ash exclaimed._

_Paul scowled. " Oh, really ? And we should listen to you even though you got it wrong seven times because...? "_

_" Because I'm pretty sure this is the room ! "_

_Gary rolled his eyes. " Fine. But if you get it wrong, we're going to pummel you and throw you in a bucket of Relicanth. "_

_" Deal. "_

_The four boys once again slammed into the door. And it had... Delia in it ! (Finally !). Misty sweatdropped. " Wow. For once, Ash finally got the door right ! Must have been some wild guess. "_

_" Yep. And for once, you're totally right, Misty, " Ash replied._

_" Let's go, then ! " Dawn cried._

_The group went inside the room. It was dark. Three Galactic grunts were snoring. Delia was in a cage, but waved to them. " Hi, kids ! I'm pretty sure there's some sandwiches in the fridge if you're hungry. "_

_Ash bolted to the refrigerator. " Cool ! Thanks, Mom ! "_

_Delia nodded. " Hey, Ash ? Have you been changing your underwear every day ? "_

_" Uhhhhhhhhhh...no. We've been hiking by foot for two weeks. "_

_T.T " And that's an excuse ?! "_

_" Uh, yeah. "_


	16. Dark Force of the Sponge

.Chapter 16 : Dark Force of the Sponge

_-.- finally updated. -sigh- _

It had been a few hours since Dawn and Paul had joined the team. They had since been looking for Delia. Of course, there was no success until...

" Wow ! I think we finally found the door ! " Ash exclaimed.

Paul scowled. " Oh, really ? And we should listen to you even though you got it wrong seven times because...? "

" Because I'm pretty sure this is the room ! "

Gary rolled his eyes. " Fine. But if you get it wrong, we're going to pummel you and throw you in a bucket of Relicanth. "

" Deal. "

The four boys once again slammed into the door. And it had... Delia in it ! (Finally !). Misty sweatdropped. " Wow. For once, Ash finally got the door right ! Must have been some wild guess. "

" Yep. And for once, you're totally right, Misty, " Ash replied.

" Let's go, then ! " Dawn cried.

The group went inside the room. It was dark. Three Galactic grunts were snoring. Delia was in a cage, but waved to them. " Hi, kids ! I'm pretty sure there's some sandwiches in the fridge if you're hungry. "

Ash bolted to the refrigerator. " Cool ! Thanks, Mom ! "

Delia nodded. " Hey, Ash ? Have you been changing your underwear every day ? "

" _Uhhhhhhhhhh_...no. We've been hiking by foot for two weeks. "

T.T " And that's an excuse ?! "

" Uh, yeah. "

Delia groaned. " Oh, Red. By the way, where's your father ? "

Ash looked all around the room and saw that Giovanni wasn't with them. " Son of a _bitch _! Dad ditched us again ! "

-.- " Typical Ketchum man. "

_" SHUT UP, OAKY ! "_

_**SMACK !**_

" Do you _want_ us to get caught ?! " Paul hissed. " You are going to get all of us shot ! "

He kicked the cage. " Damn. Pure steel. Anybody have any water pokemon that are powerful enough ? "

Dawn raised her hand. Paul rolled his eyes. " Besides Piplup. "

Misty shoved Dawn out of the way via mallet. " I have Corsola ! "

Tracey snickered. " You still have that thing ? "

_PUNCH !_

" Yes, I do. Now, shut the f-- up, Sketchit, before I add you to my notebook. "-(reference to Death Note)

O.o " Backing off, Waterflower..."

Domino yanked Tracey out of the way. Misty nodded as she instructed Corsola to do a hydro pump. The first few tries failed. Try Number Seven, however, worked like a charm. The bars demolished, and the group had finally reached Delia. The first thing she did was smack Ash across his face. " Ash Ketchum, I've told you time and time again to _change your damn underwear_ ! "

" Uh...no you haven't ? "

-angry sigh- " I've been telling you since you were _four_ ! "

" Whatever. "

Carid cleared her throat. " Um, don't we have better issues to discuss besides Ash's hygiene ? Like, escaping ? "

Domino nodded. " Good point, Dorky ! Let's go ! "

The group started to slowly back out of the room. The Galactics were still passed out. The hallways were barren. Everything was normal, until...

_**" HIIIIIII, EVERYBODY ! "**_ Spongebob screeched.

The sponge toddled over to the group, who, everyone except Ash, sweatdropped. Ash grinned. " Hi, Spongebob ! Where's Patrick at ? "

_PLOP !_

" Right here, everyone ! " Patrick replied.

Something was different about the two idiots. Spongebob was wearing a gray sweatsuit. Patrick was wearing tight cowboy boots. Both of them had a G stitched somewhere on their clothing. Spongebob took out a gun from his shirt. " I wouldn't suggest you leave, buddies, " he quietly said.

Patrick took out a harpoon. " Yeah, it's not the right thing to do. "

Ash rolled his eyes. " Yeah, right. You don't scare me, you retarded sponge thingie. If you show me the dark force, I'll crap my pants, but you can't do that. "

Spongebob suddenly started to glow. He grew to seven feet with a dark blue cape on his back. His light blue eyes turned silver. His crusty yellow skin turned a dark gray. And his clothes turned black. " You've made a bad mistake, kid. "

Ash crapped his pants. " Dude...you don't have that gun still, do you ? "

" Uh, duh. Better start running, piggy. "

-eep!-

**DISAPPEAR !**

O.O " Did Ash just ditch us ? " Misty inquired, cheeks flaring.

" Yeah..." Carid tralied off.

" Remind me to kick his ass when we see him again. "

" Will do, Misty. "

Spongebob butted Misty with the barrel of his gun. " Let's go ! "

As the group started to walk, Dawn sighed. " Wow. Captured again by some villian. Why does this not surprise me ? "

Paul rolled his eyes. " This sucks. I knew I shouldn't have helped Ketchum. "

" That makes two of us, " Gary muttered.

* * *

(Ash's POV)

_Okay, so I just ditched my girlfriend, my cousin, my friends, and my mom. Yeah...I'm such a chicken. Misty is soooo going to rub it in. So is Gary, but I'm not worried about Oaky right now._

_Let's see...where is more decent food ? Those sandwiches were okay, but they weren't a filler._

_Okay. Let's try Room Number Two. A chicken, a Krickitune...and_ _DAD ?! What the hell ?!_(Normal POV)

* * *

Ash's jaw dropped as he saw Giovanni playing poker with Krickitune. The older man chuckled nervously. " Uh, hi, Ash. I have a _perfectly_ reasonable explanation for this...no, I don't. "

Ash shrugged. " Hey, you're not the only ditcher. I got scared by the sponge thingie. Could you hand me that chicken ? "

O.o " ...'kay. "

He handed Ash the chicken and the boy started to tear it up with his teeth. " Uh, Dad ? You know Mom is going to be soooo pissed off at both of us when we finally decide to go back for her. "

" Yeah, I know. I'm not too worried about it, though. "

" Even with a homicidal sponge with a gun and a molesting starfish ? "

T.T " They can all go to hell, all right ?! "

Ash dropped his chicken. " Well, then how can you call yourself human, then ?! You say you have a thing for Mom ! "

" I never said that ! " Giovanni hissed. " Quit putting words in my damn mouth ! "

" You know it's true ! And the only reason why I ditched everyone was that I freaked out ! "

" I_ know_ you are not saying I'm a coward, Red. I'll kick your ass ! "

" I'm not afraid of you, old man ! "

" Whatever. "

Ash sighed. " Okay, Dad. You can 'whatever' me as much as you want. I'll always 'whatever' you back. "

Giovanni rolled his eyes and sighed. " Fine. I guess I can help you out...for a fee. "

O.O _**" WHAT THE F-- ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ?! YOU'RE MY FATHER !! "**_

" Hey, I don't do things for free, Ash. You should know that by now. "

" Fine. Why don't I kill myself, then ?! "

Giovanni shrugged. " You don't have the guts. I don't feel threatened. "

Ash suddenly took out a knife and knicked his left wrist with it. " Okay, then. If you don't feel threatened, " he said in a sing-song voice, grinning.

-.- " I know I'm going to regret this. Now, stop it. "

" Well, you have to promise me that you won't charge your own son ! "

" Never ! "

-knife threat!-

-sigh- " Fine. I won't charge you. "

Ash happily patted his dad on the back. " Good. Let's go ! "

" Wait, I'm still playing poker with Krickitune ! "

(T.T)

" Fine. "

Ash grabbed Giovanni's wrists and started to lead him back to the captured.

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Okay, it's been two hours since Ash ditched us. Any ideas on what to do out of boredom ? " Gary asked._

_Domino grinned. " I have UNO cards ! "_

_T.T " No UNO cards, " Tracey muttered. " It's a gay game. "_

_" Hey ! UNO is not gay ! " Paul retorted. " I play it all the time ! "_

_Gary pointed a finger at Paul. " Ha-ha ! You're ga-ay ! "_

_PUNCH !_

_Misty rolled her eyes. " I know UNO isn't gay, but do you have anything else, Domino ? "_

_The ditzy blonde nodded. " Sure do. I have Monopoly, Boggle, and Go Fish ! "_

_O.o (Carid) " Um, how much can you fit in that bag ? "_

_V.V " Well... a whole lot ! I even have my pet Squirtle in here ! "_

_A Squirtle came in and smiled at the group, who sweatdropped. Dawn groaned. " You got this off of an Internet site, didn't you ? "_

_" Mm-hm ! Walmart Online has everything, I swear to Bob ! "_

_Delia put a hand to her head. " Well, I'm scarred for life. "  
_


	17. Backstories !

Chapter 17 : Backstories !

_Behold ! A filler chapter ! Mwahahaha ! (Oh, and more stuff about Domino's bag.)_

* * *

While Ash and Douchebag _(uh- I mean, Giovanni)_ were going back to the caged area, everyone else was in a pissed off mood.

" Okay, it's been two hours since Ash ditched us. Any ideas on what to do out of boredom ? " Gary asked.

Domino grinned. " I have UNO cards ! "

T.T " No UNO cards, " Tracey muttered. " It's a _gay_ game. "

" Hey ! UNO is _not_ gay ! " Paul retorted. " I play it all the time ! "

Gary pointed a finger at Paul. " Ha-ha ! You're ga-ay ! "

**PUNCH !**

Misty rolled her eyes. " I know UNO isn't gay, but do you have anything else, Domino ? "

The ditzy blonde nodded. " Sure do. I have Monopoly, Boggle, and Go Fish ! "

O.o (Carid) " Um, how much can you fit in that bag ? "

V.V " Well... a whole lot ! I even have my pet Squirtle in here ! "

A Squirtle came in and smiled at the group, who sweatdropped. Dawn groaned. " You got this off of an Internet site, didn't you ? "

" Mm-hm ! Walmart Online has everything, I swear to Bob ! "

Delia put a hand to her head. " Well, I'm scarred for life. "

Tracey groaned. " No, Domino ! Quit reminding me of my mum ! "

Everyone gasped. " You actually have a mom, Sketchit ? " Gary inquired.

" Yeah. She's Professor Ivy ! When I was little, she used to always get on Walmart Online ! When I was eight, she was drunk and so she dropped me off at an orphanage. I don't think that she remembers me, seeing as she used to always be high on Vicodin, even when she was pregnant with me. "

Misty giggled. " Yeah. She still is. Who's you're dad, Tracey ? "

" Oh, that's an easy one. Flint Harrison ! "

(Carid) " Brock's dad ? "

" Yep ! We're related ! Brock doesn't know, though. "

-.- " See ? I _knew_ Brock's dad was a man - whore ! " Gary exclaimed.

" What about you, Domino ? " Tracey asked. " Who are your parents ? "

Domino took a strand of blonde hair out of her eyes. " Let's see...my mom abandoned me when I was ten...no, wait. She got shot by an Officer Jenny. And then my dad was a druggie. "

OO (Delia) " Yeah...you poor thing. "

" Eh. He doesn't know. Uh, and it's better off that way, Miss K, since I know the results of his parenting from Uncle Jimmy. "

" ...'kay. "

Gary snapped a finger. " I'm sure Daisy would love you ! "

" Who's Daisy ? " Domino asked.

" My older sister, " Gary replied. " She's seventeen. My mom and dad divorced when I was a year old. I saw her through visitations, though. So Stephen (Dad), Daisy, and me lived together in Pallet. When I was seven, she went out on her own, going to travel and become a famous pokemon breeder. She did _(unlike Brock)_ when I was just starting out on my journey. Now, four years later, my dad last saw me right before Ash's dad came around for the first time in nine months. He's now a professional trainer in the Sevii Islands. I talk to him every week (_unlike Ash and his dad)._ As far as Daisy, she doesn't come back too often. She actually has a life. "

Paul sweatdropped. " Wow. My story is very simple. My brother is Reiji, who is _waaaay_ too perky and whom I seriously want to shoot. My dad is Cyrus. He's pretty gay with his policies and I hate him. My mom died when I was four. And...me and Reiji live in a house in Veilstone City. I never stay there, though. There's evil garden gnomes all over the place. "

" Hey ! I want to say my backstory ! " Dawn exclaimed.

" No one wants to hear it. "

" Oh, put a lid on it, Gary. My mom was a great Coordinator. My dad is the Lucha Libre gym leader Crasher Wake of Pastoria City, but I haven't seen him since I was two. I have no siblings, but my mom has a Glameow. ...That's pretty much it. "

Carid shrugged. " My backstory isn't that good. My boyfriend is Floyd. My mom is Auntie's sister Sunny. My dad is Uncle Red's younger brother Leonardo, who was a womanizer and got shot by the police when I was three. Nobody liked him, though, not even Uncle Red. So...that worked out for the best. Anyway, I was born in Pallet, but we moved to Snowpoint City with Candice's family._ (Her dad_ _is Auntie's older brother, Victor, by the way. He's like, thirty - seven.)_ Candice and me were, and still are, good buds. So, we stood there until I was nine. We decided to move back to Pallet. One year later I started out on my pokemon journey with Floyd. I had a Bulbasaur, and he had a Charmander as the starters. He went with battling, while I decided to go in the researching fields. We went through Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Sinnoh_ (but not the Orange Islands 'cause they have a gay league),_ until a couple of years ago. Since then, he's been battling noobs with his cousin Sabrina, meanwhile living in Celadon City, and I have been helping out Professor Oak along with my friend Rosemary. "

O.o " Whoa. For a researcher, your history is even longer than Gary's, " Misty said. " Can I tell my backstory next ? "

" Go ahead, Misty, " Delia replied. " You're the only one who we haven't heard from. "

:) " Thanks, Miss K. As most of you know, I have three older sisters. Daisy - (twenty - six), Violet - (twenty - four), and Lily - (twenty - two). Daisy is the one who is now dating Drake. Violet is dating Falkner via MySpace. And Lily is dating...Brawly. My mom is a supermodel who's divorced from my dad and lives somewhere in Hoenn _(which is the real reason why I decided against traveling with Ash_ _there)._ My dad goes all over the regions and studies water pokemon. He's six foot two with orange hair down to his shoulders and a bushy beard. He has blue-green eyes and glasses. He's also a bit chubby, but he's the only one. I see him once every year. He's been out on his own since I was eight. My sisters are kinda girly. Daisy first had -you-know-what- at age thirteen, Violet at fourteen, and Lily at fifteen. They all expect me to do it , but I'm not that naive. I'm waiting until marriage. Oh, we also have money up our asses. That's why we both have a gym and our very own aquarium. My sisters like to show it off, but I don't. So...that's why I look and act like a tomboy ninety percent of the time. And...I guess that's it for me. "

O.o " Whoa. Your backstory is so complicated, " Domino said. " Though you don't beat me at my autobiography - 150 pages typed in a book and six casette tapes. Plus, a two - disk DVD, which I also have in my bag. I also have my all - time favorite artist's CDs in there. Like I tell everyone else, Britney Spears is pwning ! She's a ho, but I respect her. "

-.- " Um, Domino ? Does your bag have Narnia in it ? " Gary asked.

Domino nodded. " Yep ! I was even in the eighth book ! "

" There was no eighth book ! " Tracey said.

" Well, there was supposed to be. Lucy and I find out that Prince is our pimp and we're fighting the bad guys in Communist Narnia. The publishers decided against making it though, since in the end, Aslan blew up Narnia while he was on crack. I still have the rough copy_ (and Lucy's autograph.)_ "

Everyone sweatdropped. Spongebob suddenly walked towards the cage. " Hi, everybody ! Want to hear my backstory ? "

_**" NO ! "**_

" Oh. Then...go to hell. "

Everyone sighed in relief as the sponge skipped away maniacally.  
End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview: ) _

_" Yes ! We're finally here ! " Ash exclaimed._

_ " Yeah, and why did we have to take the detour with the alligators again ? _

_" Giovanni asked._

_ " So we can pwn them Pac - Man style, Dad. Duh. "_

_ " I AM SOOOO KICKING YOUR ASS, KETCHUM ! " Misty screeched._

_ " All righty then ! "_

_ Misty twitched. Giovanni tapped Ash on the shoulder. " If I were you, I _

_would not get her pissed off. " _

_ " Wh- " _

_ PUNCH ! PUNCH ! PUNCH ! PUNCH !_

_ (Ash) O.X_

_ " Uh...that's why. "_


	18. Operation WTF

* * *

Chapter 18 : Operation WTF

After a long three hours later, Ash and his dad finally arrived at the cage of the captives, which, all of them gave pretty pissed off glares at them.

" Yes ! We're finally here ! " Ash exclaimed.

" Yeah, and why did we have to take the detour with the alligators again ? " Giovanni asked.

" So we can pwn them Pac - Man style, Dad. Duh. "

_**" I AM SOOOO KICKING YOUR ASS, KETCHUM ! "**_ Misty screeched.

" All righty then ! "

Misty twitched. Giovanni tapped Ash on the shoulder. " If I were you, I would not get her pissed off. "

" Wh- "

**PUNCH ! PUNCH ! PUNCH ! PUNCH !**

(Ash) O.X

" Uh...that's why. "

_**" YOU F--KING BITCH ! IF KANTO DIDN'T HAVE ANTI - DOMESTIC ABUSE LAWS, I WOUL- "**_

_**SMACK ! MALLET ! CROTCH KICK ! DESK ' D !**_

" Second rule of thumb, Ketchum, " Gary muttered. " Don't call a woman a bitch. Remember when I told you the time I did that to Daisy ? "

" Oh, yeah"

* * *

_(Flashback - nine years ago...) - (argument between Daisy & Gary)_

_" You're such a twerp. Sometimes I wish your friend Ash was my brother instead of you ! "_

_" Yeah, and I wish you weren't such a got darn bitch ! "_

_PUMMEL ! SLAP ! SLAP !_

_" DAD ! Tell Gary not to call me the b - word all the time ! "_

_Stephen patted Gary's head. " Yeah, Gary. No cursing at your sister until you're seven ! "_

* * *

" No more f--king flashbacks, " Paul said. " We have to figure out two things. One is how to hurt all of these f--king Galactics. And it's obvious what the other thing is. "

" What's that ? " Ash asked, scratching his head.

_**" YOU F--KING MORON ! WE HAVE TO FIND A WAY TO GET THE F--K OUTTA HERE ! "**_ Domino shouted, hitting Ash with a golf club.

" Ow. "

" Hey, Domino ? Where'd you get that ? " Carid inquired.

" Oh, it's been in my bag for awhile now. I stole it from Winona. "

O.o " ...'kay. "

Tracey pounded on the cage. " Hey, less flashbacks, more thinking. Ash, make your Pikachu use iron tail. "

Ash sweatdropped. " Yeah...I do believe Pikachu got eaten by that one alligator. I let him. Little rat-molesting motherf--ker. "

" Damn it. Fine, what about Buizel ? "

" Uh, he did suicide. "

" Turtwig ? "

" Vegetarians ate him. "

" Chimchar ? "

" Paul's Electabuzz shot him in the head last Thursday. "

Tracey glared at Paul, who started whistling innocently.

-.- " Fine. That stupid Gligar. "

" Went to Vegas to pursue a cross - dressing career. "

" So...all you have left is that lame generic Staravia ? "

" No. I ate him for lunch today. Tasted like chicken. "

Dawn groaned. " You mean to tell me we're screwed then ? "

" No, 'cause I have the best pokemon in the world ! "

" Shaymin ? " Delia replied.

-.- " No, Mom. Not that stupid hedgehog. "

**DOMINO PURSE ' D !**

_" DON'T CALL SHAYMIN STUPID, YOUNG MAN ! "_

Ash took out a shiny pokeball and released it, revealing a retarded Magikarp.

(Everyone) O.o _**"... " WHAT THE F--K IS WRONG WITH YOU ?! "**_

" Magikarp pwns ! "

" No it doesn't, Ash, " Gary replied. " It's a stupid bastard that could tie with my dad for most retarded. "

" And they're not even edible, Ash ! You found that out when we went on the St. Anne ! " Misty added.

Ash facefaulted and turned very, very red. _**" THAT STUPID SON OF A BITCH MEXICAN SALESMAN**_ _**TRICKED ME !**_ " (coughs-racist). He turned to the flopping red fish and kicked it. " Stupid fish ! I f--king hate you ! (Bleep) sucking motherfu- "

**_ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR !_**

" Fu-fu-fu-f...ohhhh...sh-t. "

The newly evolved Gyarados glared at Ash, who nervously chuckled. " Uh, hi, Gyarados. I'm Ash, you're owner. Obey me. "

_WHACK !_

Ash shot fifty feet into the air before smashing into...a random tree. He groaned. " Damn it, I am _not_ Alena ! " (_reference to Alena - idea belongs to soaringdragon43, not me, so no suing) _

Meanwhile, Gary sighed. " Yeah, we're not going to get out depending on Ashy. Blastoise - you know what to do. "

Blastoise nodded as it hyper beamed the cage bars. With a -swoooo-, the captives were free_ (and_ _Domino started to act like her ditzy self and slipped on a Weedle.)_

Giovanni just stared at the Gyarados and groaned. " Okay. This is the standard procedure. Just everyone get out and let Gyarados eat my son. "

" Red... "

" Oh, come _on_, Delia ! We all know he doesn't stand a chance ! "

" It's true, Miss K, " Gary chimed in.

" I'm not letting my son get eaten by some sorta worm ! "

" Damn it, you're making this situation ten times worse than what it has to be. I'm sure you can adopt some sorta Hoennese baby, since your baby - opener has been shot to Hell. "

" And you promised not to talk about that in public ! Besides, Hoenn sucks (_except for Petalburg)_ ! "

" No way ! They make the best pretzels ! "

" Those are made up of baby Zigzagoon, Gio. "

" Oh..."

_**" LITTLE HELP HERE, PLEASE ! "**_ Ash yelled as the Gyarados launched a full - force body slam into the teenager.

" Okay, sweetie, " Delia replied.

**BANG ! BANG ! BANG !**

(Gyarados) X.X

Ash sobbed. " I didn't mean it that way ! I named him Larry ! He had a full life to live, and you murdered him. "

(All kids and Giovanni) "_** SHUT THE F--K UP, ASH ! "**_

(Delia) " Listen to your friends, Ash. "

* * *

" So...that's my excellent plan ! " Ash declared.

Gary sweatdropped. " What, setting the building on fire and running like hell ? "

" Mm-hm ! "

" Eh, it works for me, " Paul muttered, looking at an issue of Pokemon Playpen with a nasty grin on his face.

" You're all retarded, " Misty said, sighing. " What should we call this operation, then ? "

" Kick Ash's Ass to A Bloody Pulp ? " Dawn suggested.

" Burn Ash with the Building ? " Carid pressed on.

" Sprinkles ? " Domino inquired.

" No, " Ash said, glaring at the girls. " Operation - _**WHAT THE F--K ?! "**_

Everyone turned around to see Giovanni flirting with Delia. Both of them glared at Ash. " _What ?_ Can't a man flirt with his ex - wife ?! "

" No...it's creepy. "

Delia groaned. " Fine. We'll take it in the bathroom, then. "

As Ash's parents left to 'use the bathroom', Gary snickered. " Operation WTF it is, then. "

End

* * *

_Okay ! I thought it was a very funny chapter ! XD So...yeah, more randomness than anything else. _

_Btw, the flashback was a reference to another of my fanfics. _

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" We meet again, Ketchum. "_

_" Oh. I'm so scared, Cyrus. Anybody can do that. "_

_" What ? "_

_" Say the last name with that cliched phrase. "_

_" D- shut the f--k up, Giovanni ! For I have my secret weapon ! " Cyrus cackled as he opened the curtain to reveal..._

_" HIIIIIIII, NEIGHBOR ! " Spongebob said, giggling._

_" N- n- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "_

_" Wanna play with my fireman ? "_

_" Go away ! "_

_" No. "_

_As Spongebob started to chase Giovanni around the room, Dawn sweatdropped. " Ash, your dad has issues. "_

_" I know. "_

_Delia sighed. " He forgot to eat his lunch. "_

_" So...he's dead ? " Paul asked._

_" Yeah, pretty much. "_


	19. Return of the Psychotic Sponge

Chapter 19 : Return of the Psychotic Sponge (and the Bitchy Cresselia)

_Shorter than usual, but still funny. Oh, and two gym leaders make their appearance ! _

* * *

As the group exited the room and were about to set the building on fire as part of Operation WTF, when...they accidentally went into an office.

_**" HEY, WHAT THE F--K ARE YOU DOING ?! "**_

It was none other than the leader of Team Galactic, Cyrus.

" Uh...nothing, " all the guys innocently said.

" Yo, Paul, " Cyrus replied, waving to Paul.

" Go to Hell, Pops ! "

" Same here ! "

Ash glared at Giovanni. " Why can't _we_ be like that, Dad ?! "

" What, tell each other off like retards ? "

" Uh, _yeah_. "

" Well, you're not emo. I'm not a psychopath. "

" (Yes, you are.) "

_" SHUT UP !_ I said I'm not a psychopath, and by Jove _**I AM NOT A PSYCHOPATH ! "**_

" Don't lie, Gio, " Delia muttered.

" It's true, Mr. Ketchum, " Gary added.

" Yeah, Boss, don't you remember the last Christmas party ? " Domino asked.

* * *

" (hic) " I can do whatever the he(hic)ll I want ! I'm the leader of Team Spaceship ! " Giovanni exclaimed, climbing on the nearest table.

" Uh, that's Team Rocket, " Sebastian corrected.

_**" SHUT THE F--K UP, GOATEE GUY**_ ! I don't care if you are my buddy, I am awesome at karaoke ! "

_**" NOOOOOOOOOOO ! "**_

* * *

Giovanni paled. " Uh, no... I don't. "

Cyrus finally noticed the little group. " Wow. A bunch of kids, including my emo son. "

Tracey pouted. " What about meeee ?! I count too ! "

_PUNCH !_

" We do _not_ want to hear you, " Carid hissed.

" So, shut up ! " Misty said, punching Tracey in the arm.

" We meet again, Ketchum. "

" Oh. I'm so scared, Cyrus. Anybody can do that. "

" What ? "

" Say the last name with that cliched phrase. "

" D- shut the f--k up, Giovanni ! For I have my secret weapon ! " Cyrus cackled as he opened the curtain to reveal...

_**" HIIIIIIII, NEIGHBOR ! "**_ Spongebob said, giggling.

**" N- n- _NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ! "_**

" Wanna play with my fireman ? "

" Go away ! "

" No. "

As Spongebob started to chase Giovanni around the room, Dawn sweatdropped. " Ash, your dad has _issues_. "

" I know. "

Delia sighed. " He forgot to eat his lunch. "

" So...he's dead ? " Paul asked.

" Yeah, pretty much. "

" Can we slowly ditch Dad then ? " Ash asked.

-.- " No. "

" Come on, Miss Ketchum ! " all the kids whined.

"_ I SAID NO ! "_ Delia shouted. " I have my backup. "

" Backup ? " Misty inquired. " Who's your backup ? "

-crash!-

She had lavender hair down to her heinie. She had purple eyes, and was wearing a blue and white jumpsuit. On her head was a blue helmet, and on her face was a pair of dark shades, complimented with feathers.

Ash sweatdropped. " Your backup is the bird lady ?! She's the worst out of the Hoenn gym leaders ! I hate he- "

GOLF CLUB !

" I have a name ! It's Winona ! " Winona screeched. " And I'm a member of the National Police Force ! In fact, five gym leaders in the Hoenn region including myself are members. Wallace is also a member _(and my dense boyfriend). " _

" Ewww ! That fruity guy's your boyfriend ?! " Gary said, looking sick.

Winona glared at Gary. " Look. You need to shut your trap. And so does Ash. Both of you are killing my nerves. "

" So...what do we do about the sponge ? " Misty inquired.

" That sponge is a psychopath. Let's deal about the blue haired guy first, okay ? "

" Okay, then..."

Winona turned to Cyrus. " Hey, Cyrus._** INDIANA JONES SUCKS ! " **_

Cyrus started crying hysterically. " No, he doesn't ! _**HE DOESN'T !**_ _**NOOOO ! "** _

The man charged into the window, where he fell four stories from the building, resulting in a bloody splat.

" Well, you got rid of him pretty fast, " Domino stated.

" Yeah, that's my specialty. "

Dawn sweatdropped. " Wait a minute...where did the sponge and Mr. Ketchum go ? "

Winona scratched her head nervously. " I don't know, but I'm getting this ominous feeling...like I need my golf club. "

Suddenly a loud roar filled the room as an evil Cresselia glared at them. Everyone sweatdropped, including Winona. " Oh, crap, I'm gonna need a bigger golf club. "

" Holy crap, that's that PMSing pokemon Cresselia ! " Ash screamed.

" No duh, Ketchum, " Gary muttered.

" Where's your father again, Ash ? " Delia asked.

_**" MWAHAHAHA ! TOUCH MY FIREMAN ! "**_

_**" NOOOOOOOOOO ! "**_

-.- " Forget I asked. Let's just slowly run for cover. "

All the kids immediately ran from the scene. Delia sweatdropped. " Oh, _thanks_ a lot ! I was being _sarcastic_ ! "

" This is why I'm_ never_ having kids, " Winona said. " Goooo, Skarmory !"

She threw her pokeball, which didn't release Skarmory, but instead made an error noise. " Oh, gotdamn it ! I forgot that the stupid professors are working on the pokeball system and we can't use it ! " Winona muttered. " Oh, well. Golf club, go ! "

A golf club came out of her purse. Delia grabbed a broom stick. " Now, let's kill this bitch ! " she exclaimed.

And so the two women were about to battle Cresselia, when...

" Hey, Winona ! "

O.o " Fantina, what the hell ?! "

Fantina came in, with a cane. " You're 'aving a party with this bitchy pokemon ? Why you not invite me ? "

" Uh, 'cause we're battling her. "

" Oh. Can I help ? "

" Sure, " Delia replied.

Winona rolled her eyes. " Great. Is there anything that can make things worse ? "

Suddenly the Cresselia whacked Delia in the head with her giant tail. Delia twitched. " Oh, that's it ! Bring it on, you slutty pokemon ! "

"_** ROAAAAAAAAR ! "**_

Meanwhile, Giovanni and Spongebob sweatdropped. The older man scratched his head. " Okay, then...can you torture me somewhere else ? "

" Uh...sure..."

The two men slowly left the room as Delia, Winona, and Fantina faced the evil, bitchy, Cresselia.

End

* * *

_Uh, Winona and Fantina have a strained friendship. And...I just wanted to use Cresselia since a lot of people make Darkrai the bad guy. _

* * *

_(Next chapter preview :) _

_WHACK ! WHACK ! _

_" ROAAAAAAAR ! " _

_" See ? Zeez is why I've always 'ated psychic pokemon ! " Fantina said. _

_" Would you shut up for five minutes and help us ?! " Winona demanded. _

_" I am zee ghost trainer ! Of course I can help ! " _

_-pokeball system inactive!- _

_" Uhh...maybe not. " _

_" Great. We're screwed, " Delia muttered. _

_WHACK ! BITCHSLAP WINONA ! _

_O.o " Did that thing just bitchslap me ?! " _

_" Yeah..." _

_GOLF CLUB !_


	20. Battle Against the Pokemon of Evil

Chapter 20 : Battle Against the Pokemon of Evil

_Hehe...this chapter has all the good stuff. Humor, death of things, an evil Cresselia, and a romancy scene (coughs - diamondshipping). I feel in an insane mood, but that's the caffeine. Hehehe..._

* * *

While the kids were somewhere chasing Spongebob, Delia, Winona, and Fantina were battling the evil pokemon, Cresselia. A grueling two hours it was, and so far they didn't make any progress. At all. Which, is probably another way of saying that they were screwed. (Especially when Fantina didn't do anything to help...)

(Delia) - _WHACK ! WHACK !_

_**" ROAAAAAAAR ! "**_

" See ? _Zeez_ is why I've always 'ated psychic pokemon ! " Fantina said.

" Would you shut up for five minutes and help us ?! " Winona demanded.

" I am zee ghost trainer ! Of course I can help ! "

-pokeball system inactive!-

" Uhh...maybe not. "

" Great. We're screwed, " Delia muttered.

_WHACK ! BITCHSLAP WINONA !_

O.o " Did that thing just bitchslap me ?! "

" Yeah..."

**GOLF CLUB !**

Delia sweatdropped. " No, Winona ! If you hitting that thing didn't work the first twelve times, what makes you think it will work this time ?! " (_quote from Naruto Abridged ; edited) _

" Uh, 'cause thirteen is a lucky number..."

-.- " No, it's not. "

Winona gasped. " Really ? Oh...then...seven isn't bad, then ? "

(facefault)

" Yeah, I have my blonde moments. Or purple moments. Whatever the case, my golf club isn't working. "

Fantina clapped her hands. " Ooh ! Let me try ! Let me try ! "

" Fantina, you'll kill us all ! Remember the putting incident ? "

The ghost trainer glared at Winona. " Of course I do, Winona-chan. But I was under ze influence ! And I'm not going to use the golf club..."

Delia paled. " Not the...fish. "

" Ohhhh, yeah ! "

In an instant Fantina had changed from her regular clothing to a fishwife's outfit. In her hand was a giant trout, a little bigger than a Magikarp. She twirled it around in a circle and yelled. " Okay, Thing ! You're going down ! " she shouted.

_**FISHWHACK ! FISHWHACK !**_

The psychic legendary fell to the ground, glaring at the three women. Delia grabbed a knife. " Okay, should we kill this thing ? "

Winona scratched her head. " I dunno. If she's an actual legendary, the universe is doomed. Clones are different, though. I don't know how people are supposed to tell apart a giant bitching pokemon from a cloned giant bitching pokemon. "

Fantina poked it. " I say we eat it ! "

O.o " What the hell is wrong with you ?! "

" Hey, I eat Shellos on Tuesday ! "

T.T " Why do I _bother_ with you ?! "

" 'Cause your my buddy, Winona-chan. "

_**" WOULD YOU QUIT CALLING ME THAT ?! "**_

Fantina grinned. " Never ! "

Winona sighed. Delia stomped her foot on Cresselia. " Would you two quit bickering ? We have a situation here. We have to figure out if this thing can handle pain. "

" I've got my golf club. "

" I have my fishie ! "

Delia groaned. " Not like that. We have to dissect i- "

" _**ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR ! "**_

**WHACK !**

A swish of the tail sent Delia into a wall. She gave a moan as Cresselia grasped the mom into her tail before flying off somewhere in another room. Winona sweatdropped. " Oh, crap. Did she just get abducted ?! "

The flying-type gym leader didn't get a response, as Fantina was dancing around with her Driftblim. " Yay ! Pokeball system eez active again ! _YAAAAY_ ! "

-.- " You are _really_ pissing me off, Fantina. "

* * *

(Meanwhile...)

" What do you want with me ?! " Giovanni demanded. " Money ? Drugs ? ...Sex ? "

Spongebob clicked the gun. " You know what I want. "

" Uh...no , I don't. "

" Yes, you do. "

" No, I don't ! "

Ash nodded. " Yeah, my dad isn't that observative. "

" You're not making the situation better, Red, " Giovanni muttered.

" Hehe...just kill Mr. Ketchum already and harvest the organs. "

_" SHUT UP, OAK BOY ! "_

Gary shrugged. " I'm just sayin'. "

" And I'm just saying to _**SHUT THE F--K UP ! "**_

" Whoa. Hehe...you're having a temper tantrum. I _knew_ it ran in the family. "

Giovanni groaned. Carid giggled and turned to Misty. " Gary's going to get his ass kicked. "

" Yeah... "

Domino grinned. " Ash, too. "

Paul moaned. " God, quit talking about Ketchum and Oak ! What about_ me_ ?! "

Dawn patted Paul's back. " You're emo. You don't need attention. "

" Hmph. "

Tracey sobbed. " No one cares about me ! "

" That's right ! " Domino cheerfully said.

Spongebob glared at the eight kids. " Anyway...I want fudgies ! "

Giovanni scratched his head. " Huh ? "

_" FUDGIES ! __**F--KING FUDGIES ! "**_

Ash nudged his dad on the shoulder. " He means fudgcicles, Dad. Duh. "

-.- " ...You have _got _to be _kidding_ me. "

" No. Now, where are the fudgies ?! "

Giovanni turned a deep shade of purple. " You mean you've been hightailing us for three months just for f--king_ fudgies_ ?! "

_**" YEAH ! I LOVE FUDGIES !**_ "

The madman bolted towards the sponge and picked it up, plunging it into a wall. _**" MY LIFE IS RUINED THANKS TO YOU ! "**_

Spongebob shrugged. " Well, if you don't have fudgies, my Team Galactic always has Plan B ! "

" Uh, what's Plan B ? " Dawn inquired, sweatdropping.

The sponge gave a piercing giggle. " We cloned a Cresselia, you see. It has the strength and bitchiness level of a normal Cresselia, but it's much, much bigger. And evil. We plan to use it to pit the four regions against each other ! Isn't that evil ? "

Misty's jaw dropped. " You cheesy thirty-five year old _bastard_ ! "

" Yeah...you won't get away with this..." Ash trailed off. " Possibly. "

" Ash ! " Carid scolded. " He's not going to get away ! "

" Yeah, but he's evil ! "

" You've stopped Team Rocket numerous times, though, " Tracey pointed out.

" That's because Team Rocket is gay. "

" Hey ! "

" Sorry, Dad, but it's true. "

Domino shrugged. " I totally agree with Ash (for once). Paycheck sucks. Food's pretty crappy. "

Spongebob started laughing maniacally. " Fools ! Nothing will stop me ! I am unvincible ! "

" That's invincible ! " Gary corrected.

Paul gasped. " Wait a minute. I know the power that can stop this giggling menace. Logic ! "

" No way ! Logic doesn't work for anything except science, and we all know that science sucks ! " Ash protested.

" Shut up Ketchum ! " Paul hissed. " This is the only way ! "

He turned to Spongebob. " Okay, sponge. If you are an underwater creature, what the hell are you doing in a nonwater environment ? "

Spongebob sputtered. " Uh...uh...UH..._**NOOOOO ! MY ONE WEAKNESS ! "**_

X.X

Patrick came in. " Uh, Spongebob ? I torched the bathroom again...huh ? You okay, buddy ? "

Paul smirked. " Sponge is dead. And I know your weakness, too. "

The starfish gave a shifty look. " No, you don't ! "

" The F.C.C. says your bills are overdue. They took your rock. "

Patrick fell to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. " Oh, God. How could this happen ? No. No. _**NOOOOOO ! "**_

(X.X.)

Everyone glared at Paul. Dawn blushed out of fury. " You could have done this a _looong_ time ago. "

" Yeah, Paul , what the hell ?! " Misty exclaimed.

Paul gave a cool glare. " I'm emo. I don't help until everyone starts bawling, like Ketchum and Sketchit here. "

Ash huffed. " Whatever. Now that the sponge is gone, what do we do ? "

" Uh...torch this place ? " Gary suggested.

_**" ROAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR ! "**_

Cresselia plunged the nearby door out of her way, making a hole in the roof. Everyone sweatdropped. Giovanni looked at the tail. " Hey ! That thing has your mom ! "

" No sh-t, Sherlock. "

Winona rushed in, panting. " Fantina ditched us. She went to play with her ghostie friends. So...how do we get rid of Cresse-...li...a... "

Giovanni grabbed onto the pokemon's back. " I'm going to hurt this son of a bitch pokemon if it's the last thing you do. Everyone, go on without me. "

-poof x9!-

The man sweatdropped as Cresselia slammed him into a bookshelf. " Ow. "

" Hey, Gio ! "

He looked down at the tail. " Oh...hi, Delia. "

" Did you bring the gun ? "

Giovanni scratched his head. " Why would I bring a gun ? I'm not going to court again. "

" Oh...did you bring any weapons ? At all ? "

" I have a butter knife. "

Delia put a hand to her forehead. " Oh, God. We're screwed. Do you need my shotgun to do the job ? "

" I don't need any help from anybody ! " Giovanni hissed. " I'm the leader of Team Ro- "

" Yeah,yeah, the leader of Team Rocket. You haven't done any actual hurting since you gave Spencer that concussion ! "

" That's not true ! I tried to bring down that emo pokemon ! "

" What emo pokemon ?! "

" No, wait...I had help that day. But I _have_ injured people after that Nirvana concert incident ! There was that time with...with... "

T.T " So...you're useless, then ?! "

" _No..."_

Delia threw a knife towards Giovanni. " Stab her ! "

" I can't ! "

" Fine. I'll do it ! "

" No, Deli- "

**STAB !**

Cresselia gave a long shuddering moan before dissolving into small bacteria and fish patties. Delia safely fell to the ground, while Giovanni plopped onto the cold cement with a _THUMP !_ " Ow. "

" You okay, Red ? "

" Uh, I think two of my ribs are broken, but I'm fine. "

Suddenly the song " Beat It" by Michael Jackson started playing loudly. Giovanni groaned. " Son of a _bitch !_ Our stupid son and his friends must have torched the place already ! "

-.- " And whose idea was it ?! "

" ...not mine, if that's what you're thinking. "

Delia sighed and sniffed the air. " The fire's near. Ash and his friends must have escaped. Have any escape routes ? "

" Of _course_ not ! "

" Damn it ! You're just as useful as Ash when he's in the kitchen ! Now...what tools can we use to get out of here ? "

The woman looked around and snapped a finger. " Of course ! A shopping cart ! "

O.O " Delia, what are you going to d- "

_**" GET IN THE CART ! "**_

Giovanni sheepishly crawled into the shopping cart. Delia grabbed the front bars. " Okay. You ready ? " she asked.

" Uh, Delia, if we don't make it back in at least three pieces, I want to tell you that... "

Delia looked at Giovanni. " Yeah, John ? "

" Uh...you have wide thighs. "

**SMACK !**

Giovanni sighed. " Delia...I...I..."

" What ?! If you can't think of it now, then don't prolong this, or we're going to get burned badly. "

He started blushing furiously. " Uh...I like you. "

" I like you, too. "

" Not like that...you know. When a man and a woman have feelings for each other, they typically go into the bedroom...you know, that feeling ? "

Delia gasped. " Giovanni, you're going delirious already ! Do you need any Sudafed ? "

" I am not going delirious ! I have that feeling ! "

" Well, can't you save it until after we get out of this hellhole ?! "

_" NO ! "_

He grabbed Delia's wrists and pressed his lips to hers. She moaned happily and giggled for a few seconds before she kicked Giovanni in his happy place. " We don't have time to do this right now ! We have to get out of here ! " she hissed.

" Fine...but can we continue this after we get Ash passed out in a pit ? "

Delia grinned. " Fine. It's a deal. "

Giovanni nodded as he crouched down in the shopping cart. Delia undid her hair and started to steer the shopping cart into the hallway.

End

* * *

_(Next chapter preview : )_

_" Crap. Another dead-end hallway ! " Delia muttered._

_" Smoke's getting thicker. "_

_" SHUT UP ! "_

_Giovanni shrugged. " Well, it's true. I'm glad I didn't bring Persian into this mess. "_

_-.- " Just shut up. Please. "_

_" Fine, " Giovanni said, scowling._

_Delia scratched her head. " Okay. Which direction do we turn the cart now ? "_

_" Left. "_

_" That's blocked. "_

_" Fine, then ! Right ! "_

_" Right it is ! "_


	21. Escaping and Epilogue !

Chapter 21 : Escaping and...Epilogue ?!

_Yes ! It's finally the last chapter ! _

* * *

As the excouple were steering themselves in the shopping cart, Delia was getting frustrated.

" Crap. Another dead-end hallway ! " Delia muttered.

" Smoke's getting thicker. "

_**" SHUT UP ! "**_

Giovanni shrugged. " Well, it's true. I'm glad I didn't bring Persian into this mess. "

-.- " Just shut up. Please. "

" Fine, " Giovanni said, scowling.

Delia scratched her head. " Okay. Which direction do we turn the cart now ? "

" Left. "

" That's blocked. "

" Fine, then ! Right ! "

" Right it is ! "

Delia swiftly turned the shopping cart into the right direction. It seemed to take them somewhere until...

The exit was blocked.

" Oh, great. I'm going to die with the douchebag, " Delia muttered, groaning.

" Thanks a lot, " Giovanni said. " I like to think I'm not a douche. "

" Yeah, you're a superdouche. But that isn't the point. "

" Hmph. Well, Martha Stewart, we have to find a way to get out of here. "

" Nawww. You must be _smart_ to figure that out, Mr. Obvious. "

" Yes. Yes, I am. "

" De - _ense_. "

" Well, maybe if you didn't get kidnapped by that sponge thing, we wouldn't be in this predicament. "

_SMACK !_

" I can't believe you ! " Delia hissed. " You stupid son of a bitch bastard ! Why I ought to throw you out of here and just run you over ! "

" Fine ! I can get out of here myself ! "

He crawled out of the shopping cart and crossed his arms. Delia rolled her eyes and ignoring him, steered into the opposite direction.

Giovanni sweatdropped. " Uh...I think I was being sarcastic ! _**HELP ME**_ ! I don't wanna die alone ! "

* * *

Meanwhile, Ash, Gary, Tracey, and Paul were dancing around a bonfire. Misty, Carid, Domino, and Dawn were all sweatdropping.

Finally, Domino broke the silence. " Uh, Ash ? You do know your parents aren't out of that crapshack yet, right ? "

" Duh. "

_WHACK !_

_**" DON'T YOU CARE ?! "**_ Misty screeched.

" Eh. They had a good life. "

Everyone except Ash facefaulted. Gary scratched his head. " Uh, Ash. You really are stupid. "

" I know. "

" Hey, I don't have parents, either ! " Paul said. " Ketchum can become emo, just like me ! "

Dawn glared at Paul. " Don't ridicule Ash. It's not his fault he's a retard. "

" Yes, it is, " Carid said.

" She's right, Dawn, " Tracey added.

" Well, maybe they're right. The point is none of us want Ash emo (except maybe Misty). "

_" HEY ! "_

" I'm kidding, " Dawn quickly said, blushing. " I know you prefer Goths over emos. "

-.- " Don't get me pissed off, Pearlson. I'm not in the mood. "

Dawn sweatdropped. " Fine. I'll shut up. "

" Can we go for burritoes ? " Ash asked. " I'm starving. Hey, I'll take some popcorn with chili powder if anybody has some ! "

" You have a sick stomach there, " Gary moaned.

" This is why I don't ever eat lunch, " Domino stated with a repulsed look on her face.

* * *

Delia scanned the area. " Damn it. These Galactics must be stupid not to have a fire exit. "

She steered the cart to another door and opened it. It showed the alley. She sweatdropped. " Wow. After two hours and a whole lot of smoke inhalation, I finally got it ! Hehe...Giovanni will probably steam when he found out I found the exit first...speaking of which, I haven't seen the douche at all (cough-cough). Where the hell is he ? "

The woman stepped outside to breathe some fresh air and looked around the alley. Nobody was there. She sighed. " Gotdamn it, he owes me big time. "

* * *

Meanwhile, Giovanni was slowly losing his insanity due to major intakes of carbon monoxide. He was laughing as he chugged some vodka.

Beside him was Heatran, party female legendary of Sinnoh. She cackled. " Hehehe...we're all gonna die - ie ! "

" Yep ! We need some food in this place ! " Giovanni shouted. " Where did Cyrus keep his flippin' pantry at ?! "

" Dude...dude - it's right next to that leprechaun ! "

Giovanni ran into a file cabinet where the alleged leprechaun stood and knocked himself out. Heatran sweatdropped as she puffed at her weed. " Woot ! I am the thing ! I can do all I waaaan- "

_**" HEY ! WHAT THE FLIP ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DOUCHEBAG ?! "**_

Delia stood outside of the door with a fire extinguisher in her hand. Heatran laughed at the woman. " I'm high ! And...and this guy is dead. "

" Hmph. I wish, " Delia scoffed. " Now get off of him, you flippin' hobag legendary, or I will hurt you with this. "

O.o " Fine. I'm gonna try and get Suicune pissed off. Bye, bitch ! "

-poof!-

Delia rolled her eyes as she extinguished Giovanni with the device. " Hmph. Some guy _you_ are. "

* * *

The eight kids were bored to death. Ash was eating burritoes. Gary and Paul were poking each other. Tracey was drawing Misty's che-...I mean, Misty. Domino was trying to put makeup on Carid (and was unsuccessful at it.) Misty was staring into outer space.

And Dawn saw Ash's mom dragging Giovanni out of the alley.

" Look, Ash ! " she cried. " Your mom and the douche managed to stay alive ! "

Ash groaned. " This sucks. Now I won't get the insurance money.

He crawled into the fetal position as the others crowded around Delia. She grinned. " Okay. Mr. Douche is unconscious, so feel free to get him up in any way you want ! "

" Me first ! Me first ! " Ash screamed, releasing a Pikachu.

Gary sweatdropped. " Ketchum...is that a Pikachu ? "

" Yeah ! He's my old Pikachu's clone ! "

O.o " Yeah... "

Ash grinned. " Pikachu, use thunderbolt ! "

_THUNDERBOOOOOLT !_

" I'm next, " Gary said. " Arcanine, use flamethrower ! "

_FLAMETHROOWWWWER !_

" Marill ! " Tracey shouted. " Use bubblebeam ! "

_BUUUUBBLEEEEBEAAAAAM !_

Paul smirked. " Electathingie, use whatever you want ! "

The Electabuzz grinned as it smashed a chair on Giovanni's head. Carid slapped her forehead. " Isn't that playing dirty ? "

" Hell yeah ! "

" Well, if you put it that way... "

Carid, Misty, Dawn, and Domino cracked their knuckles as they got out a mace, a mallet, a giant sock, an explosive tulip, four purses, eight shoes, twenty pokemon, and a helluva load of baseball bats.

_**MACE ! MALLET ! SOCK BEAT ! TULIPY ! BAG ! BAG ! BAG ! BAG ! SHOE ! PK'D ! BAT ! BAT ! BAT ! BAT ! BAT ! BAT!**_

_**...CROTCH KIIIIIIIIICK !**_

Giovanni jumped out of his sleep. " Ow. What the hell ?! "

" Nothing... " the four girls trailed off.

" Damn it, why did you guys have to be my torturers ?! I rather listen to Clay Aiken than have teenagers hurt me ! " Giovanni whined.

" Uh, you're not dead, " Delia muttered.

" Really ? Yes ! I knew I would find my way ! "

" No, Mom dragged you out like a sack of flour, " Ash replied.

" Awww. Are you sure I didn't fly out of the building ? "

" You're the leader of Team Rocket, not Superman. "

_" SHUT UP, RED ! "_

Ash snickered. " Hehehe...Superdouche ! "

Giovanni sweatdropped and turned to the other kids. " If you kill me now, I'll give you each twenty dollars, " he loudly whispered.

" Red... "

" Oh, come on, Delia ! We all know our kid's psycho ! "

" No, I have A.D.D., " Ash said.

T.T " See what I mean ?! "

Delia sighed. " Yeah. But what's gonna happen to Team Galactic ? "

Suddenly, Commander Mars came to the group, carried by Commander Saturn. " Oh, don't worry ! " Mars said, giggling. " Me and Saturn are gonna open up a Taco Bell ! Plus, he promised me a Nintendo 64 as our engagement ! "

Ash grinned. " Yes ! "

" Okay..." Domino trailed off. " But what about that bitch Jupiter that I went to high school with ?! "

" Uh...she buried herself with Cyrus. No need to worry ! Team Galactic is turning into Taco Beeeeell ! " Mars screeched.

" Free burritoes are the way to g_oooo_o ! " Saturn added.

Dawn huffed and pointed a finger at Mars. " Don't _ever_ use my catch phrase again ! "

" No need to worry, " Paul said, snickering. " Dawn's on her perio- "

**PUUUUUUUUUNCH !**

Paul blasted off somewhere into a ditch in Pastoria City. Mars giggled insanely. " Yay ! Dawn an' me are buddies ! We both beat up our boyfriends ! "

" Since when is Bluehair and you friends ?! " Carid demanded.

" Oh, DeeDee doesn't like talking about it, but back in the day when her, Kenny, and Leona were bestest buddies, I was her math tutor. I'm actually sixteen ! "

Dawn groaned. " Uh, I'm gonna go now. I hate talking about this. "

" So...Mars is telling the truth ?! " Gary inquired.

" Yeah. I suck at math. "

" Yep ! She got Fs in math until the fourth grade ! " Mars replied. " And if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have met Saturn ! "

" Yep ! I was Kenny's science, math, and history tutor ! " Saturn said.

" I can't think of you as a tutor, " Delia commented.

" I can't think of Saturn being smart, " Tracey said.

" Hehehehe...Kenny was retarded ! " Ash exclaimed. " Kenny was retarded ! Kenny was retarded ! "

Dawn blushed. " Yes, Kenny is retarded. That's why I'm trying to pair him up with Leona - because she may be a ditz, but she's smarter than him. "

" That's sad, " Giovanni said.

" Don't worry, Mr. Ketchum ! " Misty replied. " We all know you're stupider than the mom, too ! "

" Ugh. Thanks a lot. "

" No problem ! "

Mars giggled. " Yay ! All women are smart (except Dawn) ! "

" That's it. I'm going, " Dawn muttered, walking out of the alley.

Saturn clapped his hands. " Yay ! Let's get wasted ! "

" Okay ! " Ash said.

" No, you're not, " Delia growled.

" Okay ! Make sure to come to Taco Bell so_ooooon_ ! " Mars cooed.

" R_iiiiigh_t...let's go. "

* * *

Two weeks later, things were somewhat normal. Team Rocket still wasn't rebuilt. Tracey and Domino were still dating each other (very surprisingly). Giovanni was still staying with Ash outside in the tent.

The Ketchum residence was filled with residents now. Ash and Mimey were sharing the bunk beds. Domino was staying there with Misty and Carid.

Yep, things were pretty normal for the Ketchums . Giovanni was watching everyone while Delia went to the grocery store.

" Ash ?! Where did you place my underwear at ?! " Giovanni demanded.

" Uh, I had to use them 'cause I soiled mine. Do you want it back ? "

O.o " Keep it. Just keep it. "

Ash walked out of the living room. Giovanni groaned. " I hate doing math. Maybe I should've let Mars tutor me. "

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The man sweatdropped. " Please don't let it be any more of Ash's friends, " he prayed, shuddering. " Or any form of seafood. "

He opened a door to a little girl of seven. She had curls of blonde hair and sparkling eyes. She was wearing a blue and white dress, and was holding a suitcase. " Hi ! "

Giovanni sweatdropped. " Hey, aren't you Hale's kid ? "

" Yep ! I have to stay here 'cause my daddy had problems. "

" Ohhhh, no. We already have four kids staying here. But...you don't wet the bed, do you ? "

" Nope. I may be seven, but I have much better hygiene than Ash could ever hope for ! " Molly replied.

" Uh...I don't know. What happened to Spencer again ? "

Molly sweatdropped. " Well, it all started when Daddy bitchslapped Mommy. They were fighting because he accused her of cheating with Schyler. Daddy was drunk and he pushed Mommy off the stairs. Sadly, she died. Daddy didn't get in trouble, though, 'cause he buried her in a pothole. So, a couple of weeks later Daddy got in trouble for shooting some Eevee. And...they executed him. So, since this is the only place I can live without the news pressuring me, I decided to come here with Teddiursa ! "

" Whoa. I knew Spencer had mental problems, but...yeah... "

Giovanni scratched his head and turned away from the door. " Hey, Ash ! You're having a roommate ! "

Molly squealed. " Yay ! Thank you, Mr. Mailman ! "

-.- " I'm Ash's dad. "

Ash raced down the stairs and paled. " Anybody but her ! She tried to kill me ! She's flippin' psycho ! "

" Uh, so are you. And I may not totally want her here, but we all know your mother's gonna make a fuss. Besides, I like her. She seems more intelligent than you. "

Ash groaned. " Fine. "

Molly giggled. " Yay ! Is Misty and Carid here ? "

" Yep, " Ash replied. " Plus this girl named Domino. "

" Cool ! Can we burn the mailboxes ?! "

" No problem. Let's go. "

Ash led Molly outside of the house where they quickly started to light mailboxes on fire. Giovanni sweatdropped. " Why do I feel that I made a horrible, horrible mistake ? "

An Entei shoved him into the wall. " ' Cause she's evil. "

" Greaa_aaat_. "

Giovanni went to the kitchen to slowly bang his head with his notebook.

The End ?

* * *

_And that ends the installment of Giovanni's New Neighbor ! Tell me if you want a sequel (especially since I'm thinking about ideas!)_

_Okay, see you soon, everyone ! I'm going on hiatus starting Wednesday ! _


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